IELTS Task 1 Line Graph: Customer Number Comparison from various restaurants

Question: The chart shows information about the number of customers at three different restaurants during a five-day period

Customer Numbers Comparison

The line graph illustrate the changes in the number of customers over five days, at three restaurants, namely Mama's cafe, Good Eats and Tom's Diner.

Overall, Tom's Diner had the lowest number of guests in the period. We also can see that Mama's cafe and Good Eats had higher customers in comparison with Tom's Diner.

On the first day, Mama's Cafe had the most diners. Whereas, the figure plummet dramatically on second day and it was dropped around a hundred by Day 3. Subsequently, customer numbers rocketed noticeably on forth day and leveled off on Day 5. In contrast, Good Eats had a stable rise in the number of guests. The figure was about 150 on the first day and climbed to 230 on Day 5. Finally, Tom's Diner had approximately 50 customers on Day 1 and almost 0 on Day 4. There was a slight increase around 20 customers on the final day.

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In my opinion, your writing has included enough details about the main features and necessary comparisons for this diagram.
However, I am wondering about some word you used
"The line graph illustrate" --> illustrates
" the figure plummet dramatically" --> Do it need another verb form?
"it was dropped" -> I think the active voice is more suitable"
I am also impressed the variety of words you use to describe the increase or decrease.

Chang, though you wrote more than 150 words in this essay, the coherence is lacking, the comparison points were incomplete, and your overall presentation is improper. That is why this essay is a good first attempt, but you should be showing improvement with your next analysis essay based upon the instructions I will be providing you here.

First of all, the C&C section of the score requires you to present completely developed paragraphs that illustrate given points in the essay. For the first paragraph, you successfully provided the type of chart and the restaurants involved. However, you failed to create a complete paragraph in this presentation as you only have 2 sentences in a paragraph that requires a minimum of 3 sentences. The trending statement should not be a stand alone paragraph. It is most effective when combined into the first paragraph presentation as part of a full information listing of the upcoming discussion.

The Task 1 essay also requires a 4 paragraph presentation. That means each diner should have been reviewed separate from one another and your analysis per paragraph should have covered the day period of client measurements. Basically, your comparison paragraph is incomplete, lacks information and comparisons, and feels rushed in composition.

While you made an acceptable effort to create a good Task 1 essay, you failed to deliver on many technical aspects of the essay upon which you will be scored. So this first effort only showcased the weaknesses of your writing skills. Hopefully I can guide you towards improving those problem areas in the upcoming practice tests you will be doing.