Could you live without TV? - Toefl iBT

Nowadays television has become an essential thing in every family. Televisions have sure play an important role people's everyday live where some actually plan their time in front of television for their favorite shows. So could we actually live without tv? My answer is yes.

First of all, there are many alternatives for television, such as internet. With the latest technology, we can easily find the information or entertainment we need from interest. For example, you would like to know more about an extinct animal. You may watch discovery channel on the television, but will interest you can ask any question you want. With the enormous database online, you can probably find almost all kind of answers for any question. Not to mention, you can access with IPhone, IPad anywhere anytime.

Next, it is not health to seat in front of television for long period. Some people actually addicted to television where they soak themselves into coach and watch tv just because they are bored. It is not difficult to find research about people spending too much time on television and prevent themselves from spending time with families and friends. For instance, it will be healthier for one to join a sport team like basketballs and interact with others rather than spending a whole day with television on NBA. Furthermore, someone may overcome the shyness or social problem by doing this.

To sum up, I do believe living without TV is an Okay for me. Since there are many alternatives available that you can access anytime anywhere, TV is not necessary for me. Spending time with friends is actually more fun and interest than watching TV. Therefore, I can live without TV.

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Hi, I am studying to be an engineer in Australia. This is the first time to edit someones' essay.
I hope this will be useful for you .

First of all, there are many alternatives foris an alternative to watch television, such as internetsurfing the Internet . With the latest technology, wepeople can easily find the informationsor and entertainments which we need from interestarouse people's interest . For example, ifyousomeone would like to knowfind more informations about an extinct animal,Youthey may have to watch the discovery channel on the television,.B ut the Internetcan easily help peoplewill interest you can ask any question you wantwith thier problems . With thean enormous database onlineonline database , youpeople can probably find almostall kind of answers for any question. N, n ot to mention,you can access with IPhone, IPad anywhere anytime.

I don't think using words, such as "I, you, we ", is good idea in academical essay, so I changed that.
"internet " -> always use "the Internet " capital 'I' .

Sorry,I could not edit blue coloured part.

I do not mean to be abrasive, but I feel that your examples were weak. Your second and third paragraphs address two different interpretations to your initial question: "So could we actually live without TV?" It is important that you clarify/reword this question. (I realize that what I am saying must sound confusing but bear with me.)

INTERPRETATIONS TO YOUR INITIAL QUESTION, "So could we actually live without TV?"
Do you mean to ask if people can live without sitting around a television set (by showing other ways of watching TV)?

Or do you mean to ask if people can live without watching television altogether (health concerns, etc.)?

In your second paragraph, you suggested that the Internet is an alternative to watching television. In this way, you addressed the former interpretation to your initial question (asking if people can live without sitting around a television set by showing all of the technology available from which they can alternatively watch television).

However, your third paragraph paragraph supports the latter interpretation to your initial question (asking if people should forgo television altogether due to health concerns, social withdrawal, etc.).

My suggestion for you is to reword your initial question and pick one interpretation or the other. If you choose the former, provide other examples of ways television can be watched. If your choose the latter, continue to explain why watching television is a bad decision altogether.

I am very sorry if what I said is confusing-- it was confusing enough trying to articulate! Good luck with your essay!