Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


I will live in small village. There are many reasons.



vaishali1980 26 / 76  
Jun 22, 2010   #1
Please help me to correct my essay

Nowadays people like to live in a metro city but If I have a choice, I would prefer to live in small village. The following reasons support my opinion.

First reason is pollution. Many people live in a big city, which increases pollution. There are many reason's for increasing pollution like transportation, industries wastage, dirtiness and so on. All people use cars, buses or train, it increases toxic gas in environment. Transportation releases toxic gas, as well as it creates sound pollution. In a big city industries destroy balance of environment.They leaves wastage in sea or river water. Some people use that polluted water as drinking water. This polluted atmosphere affects people's health. In contrast, we get fresh air and always see greenery in the village.

Second reason is population. Population is also major problem in big city. People get unsufficient water, electricity and so on because of population. Furthermore if we want to pay light bill, phone bill or submit any application, we have to wait for hour's and hour's. In small village will not have these problems.

Third reason is time. time? Is time problem in big city? Yes, it is.
In city everyone is busy and running for achieving something. People work whole day and night for appraisal and salary increment. If people stay far from office or their business location, they leave from home very early in the morning to office, and they come back late at night. They don't have sufficient time to spend for their family. Children always meet father at weekend. If both parents are working then kids stay whole day in daycare.

As a result there is lack of affection among family members and less interaction with relatives and friends.

In conclusion, Although village has less resources, facilities and job opportunities, the small village also has benefits. To spend life in a healthy, peaceful place close to family I would like to live in small village.

silkesha 4 / 24  
Jun 22, 2010   #2
Try not repeating the same words over and over again. Also, try completing your statements...many of the statements that you use in your essays are incomplete...try avoiding that, as far as possible. Also, remember one thing...spoken English is pretty much different than written English!

Well, anyways, this one is certainly better than the previous one! Good progress! :D

CIAO!
wraith 2 / 3  
Jun 23, 2010   #3
I think that one of the problem in your essay is word repeating. For example, the word "pollution" was repeated 6 times in first body paragraph. You can visit the website thesaurus to find the synonyms for words that you want to replace.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 24, 2010   #4
Hi Vaishali, you got some great help here. Let's see a new version with those errors corrected, and we can make additional improvements to your writing.

They leave from home to office early in the morning to go to the office. Then, they come back late at night.
or you can write:
They leave from home early in the morning to go to the office, and they come back late at night.


Home / Writing Feedback / I will live in small village. There are many reasons.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳