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Task 1: The alteration of Headly Village a small village near Fonton - in over nine decades period


Lunazimnavi11 4 / 6 1  
Apr 17, 2016   #1
The alteration of Headly Village, a small village near Fonton, over than nine decades is illustrated in the map. Overall, Headly Village has developed into suburb as it merged together with Fonton. The area and infrastructure have also increased over the time period showed in several new facilities.

In 1925, Headly was totally separated from neighbour area, Fonton, without any road or railway connecting them. While Fonton had a railway that run through from the north, Headly only had a small road from west and north.

Over five decades, there was a marked development in Headly. The small road have improved into a main road and built new main road to connect to Fonton from west to east. Housing estate in the west part of Headly, local shop which was located opposite the housing estate and leisure center in the north east part of Headly were constructed.

Recently, Headly Village has been changed into suburb. Both Headly and Fonton are completely linked with the previous main road and extra railway and station which is located far east of Headly. To the north of the station, there is a hotel and new business park has been set up at just south of the station. The local shop also has been turned into a supermarket.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 17, 2016   #2
Ivan, seems like you have many writing projects in this weekend. Therefore, I would like to do my best to give valuable feedback towards your essay. I reckon that you've made wrong decision in making most of your sentences become present perfect tense. The thing is you should clearly mark the time signal, I think the map is adequately stated that it was in 1925, 1975, and today. Thus, first body should be in past / past perfect, second body still in the same tenses, and the last body paragraph (if you make 3 body paragraphs) should be in present or present perfect form due to the time signal (today / recent). Now, for a breakdown for your grammatical issues, apply the corrections below:

- for moreover than nine decades.. (inappropriate word for a comparison)
- Overall, it can be seen that, Headly Village hashad ... (should be in past perfect/past tense)
- infrastructure have also increased had increased over the.. (should be in past perfect/past tense)
- The small road havehad improved..(should be in past perfect/past tense)
- ...park which havehas been...

There you are Ivan. I hope my help is fruitful in improving your writing skill.

Good Luck and Keep writing :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 20, 2016   #3
Hi Ivan, I just finish reading your analysis and I believe it is well written, one thing that is very noticeable in the analysis is your approach to uniform presentation, it is not like other analysis that combined the numbers as well as the words in there analysis, this particular style is very good in securing your place to becoming one of those writers that pay attention to the details as well as the proper delivery of their analysis.

Moreover, the analysis is written with as much detail as it is on the the given map, this means that you definitely understood the map as well as the information provided. Now, towards the end of the analysis, I believe you can still enhance it by adding a few notes like an over all analysis of the change that happened to the village, like what do you think about it, is it a good change or not, like a personal opinion in order to add a little sense of touch to the essay.

I hope this insights helped.


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