IELTS Writing - Living in a big city is not as good for familes as living in a small town

ACCORDING TO SOME PEOPLE LIVING IN A BIG CITY IS NOT AS GOOD FOR FAMILES AS LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

(at least 250 words)

Any feedback would be deeply appreciated. Thank you very much!
There are manifold perspectives existing when the issue of residence comes into view. It is the viewpoint held by some individuals that says residing in a small town is preferable to living in a large city for families. To my mind, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this point of view, and this essay will expound on several grounds to support my stance.

First and foremost, the cost of living in a metropolis is much higher than that in a small town. This is because big cities often reflect the high earning potential of individuals, hence some badly-off families are fraught with difficulty of finance when settling in metropolitan areas. San Francisco is a typical example where the places of residence suffer from extremely housing costs and mounting problems of housing unaffordability and inequality. Thus, parents are unlikely to cater for all the children's needs including a healthy diet and proper education.

Secondly, residing in a small town aids in lessening the impact of pollution on the families. It is undeniable that Air Quality Index in large cities is much higher than that in small towns arising from the traffic congestion, which is a common sight in metropolises. Accordingly, life in small towns is the panacea for the obstacle of pollution owing to a lower number of vehicles on the road, hence alleviating the respiratory diseases.

For the aforementioned reasons, there is no doubt that occupying a small town surpasses residing in a big city for families on the grounds that they can benefit greatly from finance management and healthy living.

It is always better to be specific when indicating your point of view in a measured response opinion. Since you continuously represented the 2 opposing opinions in a single sentence, your response should clearly indicate the opinion that you support. For the sake of opinion clarity and proper thesis statement presentation. By the way, you are missing a clear thesis presentation. There is no summary of the reasons you will be discussing in the reasoning and supporting paragraphs. You need to mention 2 related ones to achieve that requirement.

Use uniform numerical ordinals. First, second, third. Do not mix first, secondly, third, fourthly... That is incorrect grammar.

The conclusion needs to follow the correct format. At least 2-5 sentences composed of individual discussion ideas. Do not compress the information in a single sentence since you are expected to follow the paraphrase + writer's opinion format from the first paragraph. That is called the reverse paraphrase.