TOEFL; We're making choice in every second of life - planning and organizing skills among youngsters

Question: Do you agree or disagree that young people should with the ability of planning or organization?

Please help me to revise and get better! Thank you very very much!

every choice has power to change

We should make millions of decision or even more during everyone's whole life. When we face to these dilemmas about our friends. jobs, marriage or family, every choice has power to change everything. So it is extremely important when we have to make choices. In the other hand, the ability to plan or organize our own life is inevitable.

First of all, as an mature adult, we must take the responsibility to ourselves. In other words, we should take all the advantages and weakness contained in one decision, and accept the consequence eventually, no matter what the decision is. So it is quite huge to investigate all the possibilities before deciding. For example, many people have to choose one subject as their major in university. Which one to choose depends on one's interests, salary after graduation, or even expectation from others. There are too much options need to be taken into consideration. At the same time, the importance of the ability to plan and organize emerges. Without plan and organize, people are not able to consider carefully. If we make decision in a reckless situation, we will be regretful and take the consequence which we do not really desire.

Second, when people get a job and become a member of society, they will realize that one's job can be such influential. Every enormous and significant undertaking may change the whole country, for they are pretty complex. For example, a government is going to construct a brand new policy, it may involve into a huge amounts of pros and cons. Through completely and fairly discussions and considerations, the policy start to work on society. Every young man can be the one who change the world in the future, isn't it important to learn to plan and organize? Generally, the 30s to 40s generation is the main character to lead the society, as a member who has the power to push our country, the ability to plan and organize is indispensable.

In a nutshell, we have to make choice in every second we alive. the ability to plan and organize is the essential trait to be a responsible person who also can make the best decision no matter for himself or the whole society. That is why this ability can not be disposed by everyone of us.

I think there are some mistakes and you should learn how to use vocabularies correctly. For example, In On the other hand, take the responsibility to ourselves for our own actions, Without planing and organizeing. Please check out the grammar rule and you will perform better next time.

Hi, I think your writing is pretty good, but this essay does not address the prompt correctly. The prompt is about teaching children how to plan and organize. Your essay mainly talks about the importance of making intelligent decisions and you have not really connected this to planning and organizing. But most importantly, you mainly talk about adults - you even mention the 30-40 year old generation. But this essay is supposed to be about teaching planning skills to children So your essay should mainly be about teaching children. Here are some specific comments and suggestions:

We must make millions of decisions or even more during our whole life.

When we face to these dilemmas

every choice has the power

On the other hand, the ability to plan ... {this introduction started off strong. For TOEFL a good intro outline is

Sentence 1 - state that the topic is important
Sentence 2 - state why it is important
Sentence 3 - restate the question
Sentence 4 - give your answer, your opinion - this is the thesis

You have done the first two well, but you are missing the third and your thesis is not clear.

First of all, as an mature adults, we {since you used "we", this should be plural to match }

take the responsibility for ourselves.

it is quite a huge task to investigate

so many options needed to be taken into consideration.

one's job can be so influential.

policy; it may involve into a huge number of pros and cons.

Through complete and fair discussions

Every young man {what about women?} can be the one who changes the world

we have to make choices in every second we are alive.

Chiu, please make it a point to post the complete original prompt as it was given to you by your instructor next time as there are some variations that are sometimes applied to the instruction line. Having said that, I will assume that the discussion is all about whether you agree or disagree that it is crucial for young people to have the ability to organize and plan. Did I guess right? Is that the actual prompt you were responding to? If so, then my opinion of your work will be based on that instruction line.

You will get a score of 1 with this essay mostly because you did not discuss the correct prompt in the essay. The correct prompt is:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Therefore, your opening paraphrase is incorrect as it openly discussed a topic that is not related to the original requirement which should have been:

Due to the complexities of life, it has become important that young adults develop the ability to plan and organize their lives. I agree with this statement and will explain why in the following paragraphs.

Your vocabulary is faulty because you use certain terms such as "mature adult" when the correct term is "young adult" or "adolescent, juvenile, youngster" to name few variations on the term which would have applied better throughout the essay. You basically have a strong argument in the essay that supports your claim. It is just that your wording in some instances is mostly off. Good work though. I know you can still improve in the future.