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[Toefl] It is crucial for youngsters to have the planning and organizing skills.


Katthew Kim 6 / 12 6  
Aug 14, 2017   #1
prompt:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


two important skills for a young person



The more complex modern life would be, the more skills are required. Among several skills, it is one of the most important ability to plan and organize works. Some people does not believe that it is necessary for children to equip with this skill, but I disagree with this opinion. These are the reasons why I agree with the argument it is not essential for young generation to have the ability to plan and organize.

To begin with, children need to manage their various roles effectively and this skill is expected to teach young people to manage their diverse responsibilities. To be specific, they play some roles in each different situation. For instance, they are a son or daughter in their house, a friend with their classmates, and a student in front of their teacher. To manage their a wide range of roles successfully, children have to learn the ability to plan and organize their tasks.

In addition, it is the best time to train these skills because young people are likely to learn fast and form their habit. As modern society has been filled with complicated issues, it is required for all people to have strong management skills. But, the problem is that this kind of capabilities cannot nurtured for one day, but should be trained for a long time. On the other hands, children have a tendency to learn something quickly and absorb the genuine skills faster than adult because they have few stereotypes about learning something new. Furthermore, childhood is the period that they form their own habits, children can easily use this time to develop their management skills.

To wrap up, I support the opinion it is essential for young people to have ability to plan and organize because children also need to manage their various roles and it is good timing to train them to gain these abilities. In other words, the skills for management will be beneficial to children and childhood could be used to build their own habits. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is necessary for young people to nurture that skills.
chocuatt 3 / 5  
Aug 14, 2017   #2
Hello, Katthew Kim

I really hope you will find my comments are useful but truly I am quite new.

I might think there are some problems with the way you generate your ideas. The whole reasons and arguments are not enough to satisfy me with your topic.

Besides, I really think you should not repeat so many times the topic.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442  
Aug 14, 2017   #3
Matthew, you have neglected to perform the most important part of writing an academic essay test. That is, you did not read what you wrote before you submitted the work for scoring consideration. I will focus on this major error on your part in this essay instead of the other mistakes that you made because the mistake that you made in your opinion discussion will result in a failing score for your essay.

To quote, you said that; "... I agree with the argument it is not essential ..." So you are saying that you do not agree that the ability to plan and organize is essential in the life of young people. Yet, in the overall context of the essay, as well as your concluding paragraph, what you indicate is; "... I support the opinion..." and also state that; "I agree with the opinion" Which is it? It is either you support or do not support the statement. You cannot suddenly change your statement at the end.

This is a mistake that could have been avoided had you allotted enough time to review your essay prior to submission. You need to learn how to plan your writing so that you have enough time to edit yourself if necessary towards the end of the allotted time. Constantly reviewing of the content is necessary if you are to create a well developed, coherent, and logically presented essay to the examiner. That is the method by which you can target a higher score than usual in the end.

Sadly, the work that you did in this essay is sloppy and shows a lack of proper analyzing and thinking on your end in terms of the discussion points provided in the original instruction. Be careful. It is always small slip ups like these that tend to fail an exam taker.
Mimi123 4 / 6 1  
Aug 15, 2017   #4
@Katthew Kim
These are a few comments for you and I hope it is helpful.
Firstly, the opening paragraph is not really smooth (with both sentence construction and they way you use your words)
Secondly, the points you made in the essay is ok but you should have a deeper look inside your argument and strengthen it.
Lastly, I found it weird that you use the world "CHILDREN" referred to "YOUNG PEOPLE" in the topic.


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