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Maps, roads - IELTS cambridge 5 writting task1 check out the grammar


merchant 1 / 1  
Feb 27, 2010   #1
The map renders that the two positions of a new supermarket probably be located at north-west in countryside or in Town Centere. Generally, those two placements that could bring different sources of customers, relying not only residents but also other state of people by main roads and railway.

First of all, when supermarket in Town Center be established that could attract other customers coming from Hindon, Bransdon and Cransdon. In contrast, locating at countryside, even though supermarket cares for partial habitants in Garlsdon, but only people who lives in Bransdon is hardly direct to reach to. Looking at the map, there is a railway go through the Garlsdon that is efficiently for people who live in Cransdon and Hindon arriving to in either those two sites.

The main roads also facilitate for individuals in Hindon to arrive at north-west supermarket. On the other hand, comsumers in Bransdon and Cransdon have to drive quite as 16km and 25km to arrive.
lotus 1 / 1  
Feb 27, 2010   #2
I made correct some your mistakes which i saw. Moderators double check it for me, please.

The map renders that the two positions of a new supermarket which are probably located at ...

First of all, when supermarket is established in Town Center, it could attract other customers coming ...
In contrast, to locateat countryside, even though (...) people who live in Bransdon cannot reach to directly. Look at the map, there is a railway goes through the Garlsdon that is convenient to people who live in Cransdon and ...

In my opinion, you should rewrite that essay because it is hard to follow your ideas and they are not clear.
cathyliu 19 / 54  
Feb 28, 2010   #3
This is a little difficult writing. I spend a long time to write it.

The are several problems need to be point out:
Firstly, the task of writing 1 in IELTS is to summarise the information (by describing the main features and by comparison). It will be punished seriously if you exprss your personal attitude. While in your writing it seems you prefer S2 to S1 to be the position.

Secondly, you use "first of all" in the second paragraph, but it seems to be lack of something such as secondly or moreover...

In conclusion, I think you writing it in the model of writing 2. So, even if it is a good writing, it will not be suitable for writing 1.
OP merchant 1 / 1  
Feb 28, 2010   #4
thank you for your opinion

Now, I am clear that how to write the task1 assignment.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 28, 2010   #5
Thanks everyone! You are all making this forum a great place by helping each other so much.

In this English language practice, I can see that you have a good vocabulary already. You seem to be at a point in your practice when it is important to listen to audiobooks in English and read books aloud (at least 10 minutes per day.) Get used to how the words are used as phrases. For example:

The main roads also facilitate travel for individuals in Hindon as they arrive go to and from the north-west supermarket. On the other hand, consumers in Bransdon and Cransdon have to drive quite as 16km and 25km to arrive.

When I say you need to listen to audiotapes, it is because I think that will help you train your mind to use verbs correctly, like the verb "to be" in this sentence:

First of all, when supermarket in Town Center be established ...
First of all, when supermarket is established in Town Center ...

You can only perfect your English by listening and speaking aloud. :-)


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