The mass media has a great influence in shaping people's ideas

I'm just beginning to learn english as it is my second language. I wrote the essay with all I could untill the end without help and ideas from others. Also, I didn't have time to re-correct as it is urgent. Hope you can help my poor english. I'm looking forward to do Bachelor of IT, majoring in Information Technology management.

Question: The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons for your answer

The mass media keeps people updated about news, events and advertisements irrespective of geographical and time barriers. However, it has both positive and negative impacts on people's ideas but I will be arguing only on the negative side and basically talk about culture and laziness.

The first point to know about the mass media as for instance watching TV, affects peoples cultures and any sort of way of living that they might practice and adopt another way that is different to their nature. Watching foreign news that involves rare fashion or styles especially by teenagers may influence their thinking and might do it because they think its cooler. Australian youngsters as for example, adopt styles from the United States such as costumes and the way they communicate through accent and slangs.

The second factor is when a person gets addicted to watching TV and leaves domestic tasks that they should have been done first. Although, reading newspapers and hearing to radio have influence as well as people stick eyes on newspapers for a long period of time and hear interesting news on radio. This might lead to laziness and could also lack the time a person should have had for home and other necessary things to do for living.

All of the above factors of mass media are possible and I'm sure it's currently happening. It is not a worry that this would be the problem and fear to our concentration and daily life since we have our own intellectual ability to manage our time and think of what is right to do. Therefore, I strongly believe that the mass media in negativity has impacts and influences on people's ideas.

Generally it is very good essay but i think you could give your advices on how avoid from bad impacts of TVs...

Thank you Orkhan :)

I've just wrote my second draft if you interested

I will take a look at your essay ASAP.

Cheers!
Tana

... The prompt is directly asking you whether you agree or disagree with that statement. So it is generally recommended to state your opinion direct. You can either agree or disagree or can take a moderate stance. If you agree, talk for it in your two body paras. If you disagree talk against in your two body paras. If you take a moderate stance have the first body para to talk for it and the next one talk against it.

This is my suggestion for the above sentence;
Though there are both positive and negative impacts on the lives of people, I believe that its negative influence overrides its positives.

Thank you again Dumi,
At the moment I'm not sure if I fully understand the the phrase 'moderate instace'. How about my two paras?
will get back to you soon

Thanks!

I meant "moderate stance" which means you can both agree and disagree to certain extent. That's why I asked you to have your first body para to support for the statement and the second one to write against it. If you take a moderate stance on this statement, this is how you express your opinion;

In my view, media can have both positive and negative impacts on the lives of people.



You tend to write lengthy sentences. Try shorter and simple ones. Have one sentence for one idea.
First, mass media can have a great impact on peoples' lifestyles and culture. For example, young girls living in a very conservative culture can be promoted to wear short dresses by watching their favorite TV shows.

Always have the reason first and then support it with an example.