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May's Camping Trip; stay on topic of the title is the instructions



Angiesclark 1 / -  
Sep 23, 2013   #1
Hello - could you please provide feedback on this paragraph. title: May's Camping Trip - stay on topic of the title is the instructions

May's Camping Trip
I was excited about the camping trip with my peers. The camping brochure stated that we would have fun activities and a true educational experience. Camp Fox was located east of S.D. County. Nature was alive and active. We seen, deers, birds, rabbits and someone even though they saw a brown bear. The days were fill with nature walks and how the different plants can help us and the one that are harmful. The evens were spent playing games and telling stories and jokes.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Sep 23, 2013   #2
I was excited about the camping trip with my peers. The camping brochure stated that we would have fun activities and a true educational experience. Camp Fox was located east of S.D. County.

.... this is all good except for the repetition of the word "camp" in every sentence. Avoid that effect.
I was very excited about the camping trip I would be going to make with my peers. As per the brochure, we would have lots of fun activities there and it would be a true educational experience. The Camp Fox was located east of S.D. County.


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