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IELTS - mobile phones: faster communication vs social problems


My2983189867 1 / -  
Jun 30, 2014   #1
1 Some people argue that the technology such as mobile phone (cell phone) destroys social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? (100109)
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Recently, there has been a social concern with regard to whether or not mobiles phones have negative effects on our social life. Indeed, mobile phones have widely been used by people of all ages. However, I believe, this great invention in the 21st century causes many problems in our society.

In the first place, spending too much time on mobiles phones many exert an adverse effect on our social skills. For example, as people, especially teenagers increasingly tend to focus on their phones, they may lose their interests on daily activities such as meeting with friends, and this lack of communication may impair their future negotiation and interpersonal skills. Moreover, continuous use of mobile phones may also damage children's eyesight and physical posture. As a result, it is harmful for us to use mobile phones frequently.

Furthermore, the growing number of mobiles games will impact their mental development. For instance, there many game applications available online and many of them are quite aggressive in nature. In these games, children are rewarded to help their characters to kill or shoot monsters or characters controlled by other players, and this many lead to development of aggressive feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Consequently, frequent conflicts may occur during communication.

However, we may perceive this issue from different viewpoints. Mobile phones , such as smart phones, has made our communication easy and convenience. The reason is that, as most of the telecommunication companies provide us with access to the internet via our phones, people are able to enjoy sending instant messages and making international calls free of charge. Thus, mobile phones have shortened the distance of communication.

To sum up, although mobile phones make our communication faster, it also gives rise to many social problems such as children's social skills and their mental health. Therefore, i highly advocate that we should use mobile phone in moderation in order to avoid these serious problems.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 30, 2014   #2
Recently, there has been a social concern with regard to whether or not mobiles phones have negative effects on our social life. Indeed, mobile phones have widely been used by people of all ages. However, I believe, this great invention in the 21st century causes many problems in our society.

Very good introduction. You follow the right approach, good grammar, vocabulary etc.etc. :)
In the first place, spending too much time on mobiles phones manymay exert an adverse effects on our social skills.

Furthermore, the growing number of mobiles games will impact their mental development.

....whose mental development? You are starting a new para and therefore you need to specify whose mental development you are talking about.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 30, 2014   #3
when you write 5 paragraphs, you can follow this approach
first paragraph : introduction
second paragraph : one side
third paragraph : another side (contrast to the one side)
fourth paragraph : your own opinion (whether you support the second or third paragraph or balance) but, it is preferable if you support the paragraph which is the nearest

fifth paragraph : conclusion
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 27, 2014   #4
Some people argue that the technology such as mobile phone (cell phone) destroys social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

The increasing complexity of mobile phones affects social interaction. While some people say this is true, some others argue that mobile communications help them overcome the barriers of long-distance interactions. However, I believe that the use of mobile phones has become a natural part of many people's lives.

this many lead

or this may lead ...?

Mobile phones , such as smart phones, has

Smartphones have

i

upper-case letter
JethroJosh - / 31 26  
Jul 27, 2014   #5
Hello,

that format would be the worst one.

If you choose agree and disagree and then your opinion, you know what would be your task response and coherence score at?

5 or 6 bands. Please do not mislead students. If you know, then help them.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jul 27, 2014   #6
Furthermore, the growing number of mobilesmobile games will impact theirthe mental development of children negatively. For instance, there are many game applications available online and many of them are quite aggressive in nature. In these games, children are rewarded to help their characters towhen they kill or shoot monsters or characters controlled by other players, and this manymay lead to development of aggressive and inhumane feelings, thoughts and behaviors.


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