Money for professors should depend on performance of their students

Dear moderators
It would be a great help if you could go through this issue based gre awa and give me some advice as to how to improve it. Thank you for your time

Teachers salaries should be based on their students academic performance

The statement claims that the teachers salaries should be based on the students academic performance. It is true that the progress or the performance of the student's to a certain extent depends on their teachers because they are the primary sources of information for them and they help in moulding the students for their future.

But in the end the future of each of these students is in their own personal hands and how they manage to improve and be consistent with their own performances depends on the hard and smart work put up by them. It would be unjust for the teachers to have their salaries based on the hands of the students. There is a possibility that even though the teachers might do the most extra and unnecessary things like taking extra lectures for the benefit of the students for which they are not paid for but ultimately the student does not perform because he does not understand the importance of the work the teacher has put up on him by being ignorant or lazy. In such cases it is not the teachers who are responsible for the students future and should not suffer because of their incompetence.

Now, if a certain class performs consistently worse then it might be necessary to check why they are performing poorly. If the class performs poorly in their first test then it can be assumed that either the question paper was difficult to solve or the teacher did not do his job properly of teaching them or the students did not prepare judiciously for the test. In such cases the management should not take any decisions hastily as there is no unbiased way of knowing who is responsible for the poor performance. But if the trend continues for the next few tests then the management should analyse the performance of the students under different teachers. If the performance of these students other subjects are also poor then the students are to blame. But if the students are performing poorly only in this particular subject then the teacher is to blame. In such conditions the salaries of the teachers should be based on the performance of the students as they are responsible for their poor performance.

Thus it would make sense for the salaries to based on the performance of the students provided that the management know the whole picture of what is happening in each of the classes so that neither parties suffers from the incompetence of each other.

Hi Drive, I think you should revise the knowledge about "possessive case" and "plural noun" first, as I see many grammar errors in this sector and this is quite serious for an academic essay.

Corrected: "the teachers' salaries", "student's academic performance", "performance of the students"....

Omit "own", it is not neccessary to use this word, except you want to emphasize = only very special case.

Furthermore, you should use comma after "Adverbial Phrases" to avoid too much long sentence. You made a 3-line sentence with no comma, that's not good at all. It makes reader feel tired when reading your essay.

Regards,

I think how you begin with your first body paragraph is confusing " But in the end the future of each of these students is in their own personal hands...". Usually it is used in the second body paragraph to show contrast to the previous idea.

Best,

@drive
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.

First and foremost, that first paragraph is too rigorous. What I would recommend is trying to compartmentalize the second sentence into something that's short and sweet, especially because you are working with such heavy-handed words. If you are able to do this, the thematic presentation of what you are going to discuss in the latter parts will be easier to understand from the perspective of the writers themselves.

Furthermore, the second paragraph needs to be tailored in the same regard. The first sentence appears to be too lengthy. The third sentence needs to be cut down into three different ones. Try to evade being repetitive with the thought process as well as this will not give you anything beneficial in the long-run.

If you can trim down the body, you will be able to have space to balance out the conclusion of the writing. This is a critical step as it will enhance the overall appeal of your writing.