Hi guys
Thank you for giving me the opportunity of checking my writing task, and I hope I would pay back all of your effort. Unfortunately, I made a mistake and wrongly sent my request on other posting, hoping that moderators forgive me.
This is my first try in IELTS task one writing. I have had before the experience for writing essay and integrated task , which I found it very challenging, in TOEFL exam.
pleas give me a feed back about this writing and if is possible a band score for this
the task has 192 words and took 36 minutes for my first try, however I recognize taht i spent lots of time and world for it.
I also thanks Sayaza Hanisah for borrowing the picture of the graph.
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Question:
The graph below shows how money was spent in different entertainment over a five years period in different part of the world.
A:
In this report I am going to describe the money spent on entertainment market in 3 main part of the world, the Asia, Europe and United States between years 1995- 2000 in different field of entertainment.
As the charts shows the US leads the first place for spending the money for entertainment follow by Europe and the Asia at the third place. The money spent by American for fun was almost double of European and close to three times of the Asians. Furthermore, the trend for amount of money spent during the five years was more significant in United States in comparison with other parts. The difference of money spent in United States between 1995 and 2000 is about 73 billion, however this money is 34 billion for Europe and 43 billion for Asians.
In almost all 3 regions with some small exceptions people spent more money on books and papers and less on cinema. However, TV as a convenient and cheap visual entertainment is in second place for spending money for fun. It can also be shown that the United State and Asia almost doubled their use of TV during the 5 years period.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity of checking my writing task, and I hope I would pay back all of your effort. Unfortunately, I made a mistake and wrongly sent my request on other posting, hoping that moderators forgive me.
This is my first try in IELTS task one writing. I have had before the experience for writing essay and integrated task , which I found it very challenging, in TOEFL exam.
pleas give me a feed back about this writing and if is possible a band score for this
the task has 192 words and took 36 minutes for my first try, however I recognize taht i spent lots of time and world for it.
I also thanks Sayaza Hanisah for borrowing the picture of the graph.
---------------------------
Question:
The graph below shows how money was spent in different entertainment over a five years period in different part of the world.
A:
In this report I am going to describe the money spent on entertainment market in 3 main part of the world, the Asia, Europe and United States between years 1995- 2000 in different field of entertainment.
As the charts shows the US leads the first place for spending the money for entertainment follow by Europe and the Asia at the third place. The money spent by American for fun was almost double of European and close to three times of the Asians. Furthermore, the trend for amount of money spent during the five years was more significant in United States in comparison with other parts. The difference of money spent in United States between 1995 and 2000 is about 73 billion, however this money is 34 billion for Europe and 43 billion for Asians.
In almost all 3 regions with some small exceptions people spent more money on books and papers and less on cinema. However, TV as a convenient and cheap visual entertainment is in second place for spending money for fun. It can also be shown that the United State and Asia almost doubled their use of TV during the 5 years period.
The Graph
