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Mothers in Australia over forty years old. Essay Writing task 1


The table report the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia from 1981 to 2006. All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women did not had baby and the women had one child also the women had two children were an increase in all of period. However, the women who delivere baby at three and four or more children had decrease in all of period.

In 1981, the women who had two children saw the highest proportion at just above 25% every year, whereas female who had one child and the women who did not have a child showed a gradual increase at less than 16% in all years. Furthemore, it was clearly seen that in the end of period, in 2006, female who borned 2 children reached a peak at 38,3%, while both of women who had one child and women who did not had a child witnessed a good performance in the end of period at 13,2% and 15,9% respectively.

In 1981, the women who ever born three, four and more children had a decreased trend. In starting point, The women had a three and four or more children had a relatively same proportion for above 27%. Nevertheless, the women had a three childrean in every periode from 1981 to 2006 gradualy increase from 27,4% 27,0%, 24,6%, to 21,5%, while the women had a more three children significantly decrease from 27,6%, 18,9%, 13,1% to 11,o%.




Hello Hana,
I have some advice for you :

The table reportS the number of children ...
All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women did not had baby ...
(All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women who had no baby, the women who had one child and the women who had two children experienced an increase in all of the period).

... a decrease in all of the period.

I hope that it can help you.
Hallo Hana, I will try to correct your writing. I am not really good in a writing so I hope we can discuss.

I see there are many wrong about the spelling of the word and some word did not match in your writing. But I will correct your content first. I will try to give my suggestion.

In the first paragraph in the second line, you write "the women did not had baby " you can change to "the woman without child". And for this sentence " All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women did not had babyand the women had one child also the women had two children were an increase in all of period " you can make more compact like {All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women without child, with one child, and two children were an increased in all of the period}.

In the second paragraph, you write "In 1981, the women who had two children saw the highest proportion at just above 25% every year, whereas female who had one child and the women who did not have a child showed a gradual increase at less than 16% in all years". In this paragraph, you should mention the right percentages, not "just above" or "less then". And in the first paragraph, you said about the increase and decrease of the data, not the highest or lowest data. And you use "whereas" it mean you compare the woman who had 2 children and women without a child and one child, but the comparison is not right. because you compare the highest portion of data with the increased data. I will try to make a sentence for you, {In 1981, the women who had two children, one child, and none had 29%, 7.6%, and 8.5% in a row.}.

And for the third paragraph, you said "Nevertheless, the women had a three childrean in every periode from 1981 to 2006 gradualy increase from 27,4% 27,0%, 24,6%, to 21,5% " there are three words wrong spelling and about the data you should write decrease. {Neverless, the women had three children in every period from 1981 to 2006 gradually decrease from 27.4% to 21.5%}. Please be careful when you use comma and dot. for the number you should dot. (27.4%, 27%, 24.6%, and 21.5%).
@hanasufiarahma
The opening sentence of your essay is simply re-writing the description of the table, which is usually not a good idea and will negatively affect your mark. Try to rephrase it in your own words. Also, as already highlighted above, you need to improve your spelling and use of tenses, I believe you can start with pasting the text to Word, many mistakes will show up.
Hallo, good night hanna, i have some corrections to you about grammatical error

For the first

The correction is
... the number of children who were ever born from women with the age of 40-44 years in ...
All in all, it can clearly be seen clearly that the women did not had baby ...

For the second

The correction is
Furthemore, it was seen clearly that in the end of period, in 2006, females who were born 2 children reached a peak at 38,3%,...

Good job guys
Regards


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