Museums in London and tourists - IELTS writing part 1 (bar chart)

The number of visitors to four London museums

The line graph illustrates how many tourists came to four different museums from June to October in London.
In general, it is obvious that the number of people visiting all mentioned museums recorded a downward trend, while British Museum was the opposite. In addition, National Museum was consistently in the last place.

In the first two months, a similar pattern was observed in History Museum, British Museum, and Science Museum, with approximately 400,000 people. Meanwhile, the figure for that in National Museum reached a plateau at roughly 200,000 people. A striking feature was that August experienced significant growth in all museums apart from Science Museum, with over 700,00 people opting for British Museum, followed by History Museum and National Museum with 600,000 and 300,000 visitors, respectively. However, this figure in Science Museum remained unchanged at over 400,000 people.

Regarding the month of September, it is noticeable that both History Museum, British Museum and National Museum experienced a spectacular fall and a constant decrease in the last month. Furthermore, the number of holidaymakers traveling to Science Museum rose by about 100,000 people, compared to the previous month, before dropping dramatically to 300,000 visitors in October.

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  bar chart
  

Misidentifying the image will result in a failing TA score. The image presented is a bar chart. It is not a line graph.The essay immediately starts out with a failing preliminary score.something that can very well force an automatic overall failing score due to clear reporting errors and inaccuracies.

The writer should enumerate the 4 aforementioned museums in the summary overview. This listing will help keep the reader better informed when he references the 2 museums in the trending statement. The listing is a standard part of the summary overview and should never be omitted for any reason as it ties in directly with the trending statement every time.

There is an error in the information presented in the summary overdewthat will cause accuracy deductions. Note that the measurements are from Jrene to December, not October. Such inaccurate reporting carry hearry deductions in related sections.

The inaccuracy continues throughout the report with references to "a similar pattern was observed" without first indicating what that pattern was. The writer tends to get ahead of his thoughts, without checking for accuracy and completeness after he drafts his report. He truely expects to get a passing score with his inaccurate reporting presentation and writing style. Sadly, his missteps will result in a failing score instead.

It's a great essay anyway. May I suggest to correct the overview paragraph because it is not comprehensive in some aspects yet. Probably you could mention if the trend is upward in three to four months earlier and the last two months they declined dramatically.

This essay looks good and clear. However, you can improve a bit on vocab in the starting para, and the overall.

@Holt
First and foremost, I'd like to say thank you because of your detailed comments and I also have to say sorry, because I sent a confused picture which make my paragraph become misunderstanding. Anyway, I am very appreciative to receive your comments, thank you very much!