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IELTS; Why we need music? To keep our mind in peace


usalman01 1 / -  
Feb 21, 2013   #1
When musical instruments are played,they produced special type of sound or voice which is called music. There are many kinds of music in this world like rock music,pop music and jazz music etc. Now the question arise why we need music?The answer of this question is,because of having great interest and effect we need music. For example,when we work all the day and become very restless so we need some kind of refreshment to keep our mind in peace. For this we often hear some kind of music.Music vanish all our worries in a single moment of time. We also use music to spend our leisure time. We are at a loose end and prevent ourselves of boring we listen music. Now, I began to talk about the contradiction between traditional music and international music.No doubt,international music is heard all over the world but the value of traditional music is also has its own importance. Through International music one can be introduced about the other languages and literature. International music has produce a ability to learn others languages in natural way.But the importance of traditional music is very vast. We can aware about our culture and heritage through only our music because it is sung by our native people and musicians. So at last I conclude traditional music is much important than international music which is being heard over world.
painful shadow 1 / 4 2  
Feb 21, 2013   #2
When musical instruments are played,they produced (produce ) special type of sound or voice which is called music. There are many kinds of music in this world like rock music,pop music and jazz music etc. Now the question arise why we need music?The answer of (to)this question is,because of having great interest and effect ](we have immense interest in the effects) in music . For example,when we work all the day and become very restless so we need some kind of refreshment to keep our mind in peace. For this we often hear ](listen to) some kind of music.Music vanish all our worries in a single moment of time (music eradicates all our worries within some moments) . We also use music to spend our leisure time. We are at a loose end and prevent ourselves of boring we listen music ]( when we have nothing to do we avail the help of music to keep away the boredom)[/ font]. Now, I began (begin) to talk about the contradiction between traditional music and international music.No doubt,international music is heard all over the world but the value of traditional music is also has its own importance. Through International music one can be introduced about ](to ) the other languages and literature. International music has produce an ability to learn others languages in natural way.But the importance of traditional music is very vast ](immense ). We can aware (get awar eness) about our culture and heritage through only (only through) our music because it is sung (composed is the better alternative ) by our native people and musicians. So at last I conclude traditional music is much more important than international music which is being heard over world.

the topic lacks attraction but still appreciation is due...:)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 21, 2013   #3
When musical instruments are played,they produced special type of sound or voice which is called music.

Well... I see some issue with this idea itself.... In my view, music is not the sound or voice alone. Music has lot to do with rhythm, melody and harmony of sounds. For example, if you play a wrong note, then it would be intolerable. So, I wish if you had given a better definition to describe music.

There are many kinds of music in this world like rock music,pop music and jazz music etc.

There are many forms of music such as classical, rock, pop, jazz etc.

The answer of this question is,because ofthat having great interest and effect we need music

The answer is that music helps people to relax and enjoy; it soothes one's mind :)
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Feb 22, 2013   #4
Hai Naved...

You have some good points..

Please follow the desired structure of the essay..
Seperate paragraphs...
Write a clear introduction and conclusion..

Tessy
AlexChow 3 / 7  
Feb 22, 2013   #5
For this we often hear some kind of music.

I think you'd better say.

For this we often would like to listen some music.

As I think hear is normally passive.
jasmine4ever 5 / 13 1  
Feb 22, 2013   #6
Great job! Overall, the details were pretty good. But!....

You could organize the essay a bit more. It was very clumped together, kind of hard to read. You could create an intro, body paragraphs, and conclusion. And also the thesis was very unclear. You could write something like this for your thesis, "Music has a great impact on us, humans, we hear it every day, on the radio and our listening devices and so therefore we listen to music because it calms our mind, it inspires us, and it effects us deeply." Or something like that. The words in red may vary depending on your three points.

Also it would also be great to have some outside examples or your own/someone else's experiences and you could incorporate them into your essay. Because everyone loves stories!

Hope it helped.


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