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(WT2) Music is the magic instrument



mayjanehre 2 / 2  
Nov 24, 2020   #1
hi guys, please help me check my essay, i really look forward the feedbacks from you guys. Thanks a lot

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?



It is believed that music has a magic function in connecting people to people from all walks of life no matter what nations, generations they are. Personally, i completely agree with this notion and i will give my own reason below.

In the first place, music has ability to help people from all over the world access to new cultures and then have a new knowledge about each countries. This is mainly because, each national music industry has the typical properties such as rhythm, style or in even in some music video, some singers have managed to put their traditional habit and custom or some quintessence of their tradition in it. For example, "nha nhac cung dinh hue" of viet nam was recognised as intangible cultural heritage by UNESCO, it brings itself , the long-lasting features of viet nam from the traditional costume to the music instrument they use to make the rhythm. Hence, when you enjoy a music composition, you also access to a new culture.

In the rest of the phase, music is for everyone from every ages. The reason for this is that, there are a variety of types of music generated in a certain time and by definition it brings the unique features of each periods and each has it own brilliant achievement in accessing to people from all over generations. To illustrate, classical music is the high of music industry in 11th century which was originated from European areas, there are also many all-time distinguished composers, Beethoven, Mozart for example and until now, people still enjoy the masterpieces from hundreds century later. In addition, each kind of music has it own outstanding features which is worth listening and discovering.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, i believe that music is the specially useful instrument in gathering people, regardless of their ages or cultures.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Nov 25, 2020   #2
You gave a very good paraphrase and measured response. However, you failed to justify your opinion in the 2 succeeding paragraphs. There was a disconnection between your opinion and your reasons because the reasons did not illustrate the main discussion topic provided in the original prompt. Your reasons should have supported the idea of "bringing people of different cultures and ages together" These are the 2 reasoning paragraphs you should have presented. One for cultures and one for ages.

The example you used, the UNESCO heritage song did not indicate how it brought people of different races together as an inspirational point or for a common good. This makes ineffective as an example of "different cultures". Music for every ages is also a problematic reason as you do not justify any music that actually showed bringing people together of different ages. So the examples do not help support your opinion as stated at the start of your essay.


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