This is one of my personal talents. but does it answer the question? and there's a part in brackets because I don't know if I should take it out or not...and what can I fix? ---Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Thank you for taking the time to read. much appreciated!
The glissando notes, like the rushing droplets of a water fountain, instill a serenity so poised and balanced that my heart lingers in the moment.
I close my eyes.
The music takes me into another world-a place far, far from here. In an instant, I am ushered into a palace, furnished with chandeliers, marble statues and ladies in gowns. In another instant, I am thrust into a mythical land of dragons, treasures and noise. Isn`t it curious-music notes are just black dots laid out on a white background, but this monochrome image paints pictures of myriads of shades and colors and tones. Major and minor, chords and scales, glistening and stark. They come alive.
(I first touched the keys of a piano when I was four. It was my mother who forced me on to the chair, actually. It was her hope of cultivating me into a fine young lady. Each day, I was coerced to play for 20 minutes. Imagine a four-year-old, barely able to recite the alphabet, trying to make sense of a massive keyboard! I cried every single time I was forced onto the chair, but she would cajole me and eventually I relented. That was how I continued on in piano. As I gained my footing in the world of music, my journey of self-discovery began.)
Music has given me so much. Like a loyal companion, it has accompanied me, welcomed me in its arms during the loneliest of times. It is that indestructible thing inside of me for if I were to be penniless, I would still be rich with music. I have beheld the work of great masters of music. Their pieces make the player enter their realms and feel what they felt when they composed the pieces. I have experienced the fury of Beethoven, the exasperation of Schubert, the light-heartedness of Mozart and the courtly manners of Haydn. As I dive into each piece, every melody sends me into a reverie, reminding me of a fond memory. To me, Chopin's nocturne is like the sweet, delicate texture of melted chocolate in one`s mouth; Bach`s Prelude and Fugue is like wholesome bread, a staple in a pianist`s diet; and Debussy`s Etude is like the crunch of petite ice cubes in a lemon-flavored slush on a cool summer day. This instrument of cold metal has taught me life`s most heart-warming lessons. It taught me the rewards of perseverance, the important of faith in oneself, and it has allowed me to conquer mountains that I never dreamed of conquering.
I want to endow the same gift that was given to me to other children. I'm a piano teacher. I may be just seventeen, and without an official Teachers` Certification, but that doesn't stop me from sharing my passion with others, showing them the magic that music brought me. I teach my students about integrity, patience and diligence and enlighten them with the stories of great masters in music. What is most rewarding is when I see them learning. As I am teaching them about a new technique and describing the tonality that it evokes, I sometimes notice a sudden flicker of light in their eyes. It`s a flash of discovery. I know.
I think these three lines can go together in a single paragraph:
The glissando notes, like the rushing droplets of a water fountain, instill a serenity so poised and balanced that my heart lingers in the moment. I close my eyes. The music takes me into another world-a place far, far from here. In an instant...
I like the backstory in the parentheses, and I think it is alright right where you have put it. In fact, it does not have to be in parentheses... but I kind of like it that way.
A chang for the last paragraph:
I am a piano teacher. Though I am only seventeen...
Great job!! You write well, because language is a kind of music.
thanks for everyone's input!! i appreciate it so much
i submitted it to UCLA with some minor changes. the thing is, I'm not applying to a music school yet i know this essay is heavily focused on my passion in music. I'm just thinking it doesn't really show the other sides of who I am. Should I still use it for the common app?
Don't worry about trying to cover ALL aspects of your life in one essay, you can't do it. You did a really good job of writing about one of your passions, describing it vividly, and captivating the reader. What more do you want? haha. You have other ways of describing who you are too, with your supplements, describe the EC, and your application itself. Definitely keep this essay.
