Natural Versus Nurture, which do you consider to be the major influence?

Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18

Apr 4, 2017 #1

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life . Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Natural VS Nurture

Every person has different form of growing and developing. Research reveals that natural has much more effect on people personality than nurture. Personally, I think that nurture plays a big role to shape people personality.

Natural is an internal factor existing in people since they were born. It consists of heredity, potential, talent, and intelligence. All of them are able to influence on people character as long as they are growing. These aspects have existed since people come to world, and people use it for all activities due to the fact that it will determine people figure indirectly. It is evident that, if there are parents who have talent in music, their child also will have good ability in music. Child get that gift from parents. It is called heredity.

However, nurture as an external factor has a strong relation with people personality. It involves many things like surroundings and experiences. Surroundings consist of family, school, and society. This will collaborate to form people's identity. It provides much experience for people so that they are able to learn about social values, rules, and many more. In similar case, even children have good talent in music, if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve. Unfortunately, it will disappear. It is proven that people need much more experience to develop their talent.

All in all, I think that personality and development are able to formed by experience that people obtain goes by time. But it is better if the natural is supported by nurture.

akbarmappiare 31 / 445

Apr 4, 2017 #2

Hi Reza, I have read this essay closely. In my vantage point, your essay is a good job, but you have still needed a few improvements to achieve a high score.

When you wanna deliver a noun, you have to recognize that the noun is countable or not. The word "natural" is the countable noun so that you don't forget to place articles. Perhaps, you think that is a minor error, but that word relates to a keyword of your topic. If you make many minor errors, there is not a doubt that your score will be reduced. In any case, you use more pronoun "it". I guess you can use other words such as "the factor" and "this". It is important to show that you have a variety of vocabulary, which can enhance your score for the lexical resource.

You are supposed to strengthen your idea in the first body paragraph by using the relating example. Actually, you displayed the example, but it has still seemed vague information. It's better if you directly a famous person as the example, relating to your description. I believe you can do that in the next term. After that, a closer look at your second body reveals that there was a statement which broke your flow.

if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve

In my view, you should place that in end of the first body paragraph. That can become a concession being able to support your opinion in the next paragraph. Exactly you can find a difficulty in arranging the good flow, but you can master this on condition that you read more examples of the essay. Lastly, you have to recognize a difference between a conjunction and linking word. There was officially a linking word, but you picked the conjunction up. Please be aware of delivering proper linking words to create the good flow. It is paramount because your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate so that you endeavor how reviewers can read your essay easily.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing your essay.
GOOD LUCK