'the new supermarket in Garlsdon town positions' - Cambridge IELTS 5 writing

Dear all, plz give me some suggestions for this essay for ielts test.

The map is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket(S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible site for the supermarket.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The map illustrates 2 possible positions for the new supermarket in Garlsdon town. One is in the northwest countryside, another is in the centre of the town.The Garlsdon has 65,000 population, which is 10,000 in Hindon, 15,000 and 29,000 in Brasdon and Cransdon respectively.

There are four main areas in the town, country side is around the housing place, and the town centre is proximity in the middle of the town, also there are 2 industries in each northern and southern part.

Without a doubt, there is a railway for both 2 possible locations for the residents, however, the s2 spot is in no traffic zone and has main roads to the different 3 cities, there is only 12 km to Kindon, and 16km to Bransdon, 25 km to Cransdon.

To sum up, both 2 sites for the new supermarket have their own advantages, I think the distance and population will be the factors that influence the final decision to built a supermarket.

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I like it you described the map well. My only suggestion is that maybe you could explain the last sentence... Why is the distance and population are an advantage? How can the location vary the popularity of the supermarket?

To sum up, - I think "In conclusion" sound better and more profesional.

both 2 sites for the new supermarket have their own advantages,- This sounds a bit muddled, since you wrote "both 2" both already means two so you don't need to write 2 in front of it. I think you could write it like this "Both planned sites for the new supermarket have thier own advantages...

I think the distance and population will be the factors that influence the final decision to build a supermarket- maybe mention why the distance and population is so important? How can the location vary the popularity of the supermarket?

I hope my feedback was helpful :D

Please give some comments on my written essays/ texts

1. I think your essay is a little long one. Try to summarize it in lesser words. 150 words min means you don't need to exceed from 200-225 either.

2. Overall a good piece of writing. Just try. to be precise and write in condensed manner. Remember the task 2 of writing is carrying more weightage in ielts than first one.

Good luck