Not too bad. First the opening:
When it comes to the effect of new technologies on our traditional style, some people think it killed our older methods, while other consider our old tradition can remains and survives.
This is a bit rough. Try this: "Some people think new technologies destroy traditional methods. Others believe the old traditions can remain and thrive."
This is your thesis statement in a nutshell: "I believe that most technological improvement is the result of continuous improvement of traditional methods. However, instead of being replaced, traditional methods can survive if they have a recognized value." Then you need to provide arguments to defend your position against what your (imaginary) opponent might say.
The new technology in these two goods helps the Japanese to keep up their production paces rather than modifying that.
This doesn't make sense. You are saying the new technology only allows the Japanese to maintain their existing pace of production without making any changes, neither speeding them up nor slowing them down. I think what you meant to say is:
Technological improvements in these two industries increased production speed without altering the basic techniques used.
The above is representative of my thoughts on the remainder of the essay. Overall I think your general argument is sound. However, you need to work a bit more on grammar and syntax because the overall flow can be tough to read.
CAVEAT: I am not familiar with the IELTS test, so this may be considered a normal acceptable essay in that test. However, to most native English speakers it would sound a bit odd and disjointed. Your argument does however make sense as a whole
. Just brush up a bit on the grammar and syntax and it should be fine.
PS: I commend you on learning English. It has very confusing rules for a non-native speaker.