New Zealand and spending money - Ielts taks1 the pie chart

Online Business profit

The two graphs indicate the data concerning the online earnings in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Overall, we found that the most apparent figure was shown in travel since its number was the largest proportion, while it saw a decreasing trend over a ten-year period.

In 2003, the largest proportion can be found in Travel, which occupied 36%, followed by clothes, taking up 24%. with regards to the remaining items, online shop made a similar amount of money on film and music and clothes, both of which accounted for roughly two fifths in total, the former accounted for 21% and the latter, 19%.

However, 10 years later, money travel and clothes made mildly dropped by 7% and 8% respectively, both accounted for 29% and 16%. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at the earning for film and music and books. This account for a massive 33% of the online earning, but only 22% money made in books, which underwent a minimal change by 3%.

In conclusion, New Zealanders appeared to spend more money on visual engagements via internet such as film, music and books over the given years.

Hello big0321lala! It's very difficult to judge your essay without the pie chart.
In my opinion, writing task 1 should follow a below structure:
- First paragraph: Introduction
- Second paragraph: Overview (you should describe the overall figure like orders or trends and should not give any detail figures)
- Third and Fourth paragraphs: Body 1 and 2

weiling, aside from an incomplete summary overview, your essay also lacks a proper paragraph representation. You are prone to presenting run-on sentences instead of individual, related discussion sentences which can be used to form the required 3-5 sentences. As such, you will lose major points when the TA, GRA and C&C sections of your presentation are considered. The errors you made in these 3 sections are enough to create a non-passing score. Even though you wrote more than 150 words, it is not the number of words that you wrote which will be main consideration for your score. Rather, the score will be based upon the accuracy of your report and analysis of the illustration provided. Had you provided us with a copy of the image, I would have been able to show you a few methods by which you could improve your future writing. Sadly, I cannot do that at this point. Please remember to provide us with a copy of the image the next time you upload an essay for us to review.