'the number CDs was saled' - description essay

A glance at the chart provided reveals distribution of sales(games software,dvd/video and cds) over a span from 2000 and 2003. It is evident that the changes in their number share proportion at the same period.

In 2000,the number CDs was saled the highest than two others(game software and Dvd), which reached about 35 billon dollar. Remotely following were Dvd and game software with 18 bn and 10 bn respectively. Interesting, the number Cds saled remained No.1, even though the number declined a little to 32 bn in 2004. In contrast, the number of DVD and game software saled showed a substaintial increase, which arrived at around 31 bn and 18 bn. Especially, the number of CD was almost equal to that of DCD.

In conclusion, the DVD and games software were accpeted by in growing number of people in modern society. Meanwhile, people doesn't lost their other faverity hobbe, CD.

Dear Lee,

I have some feedback for you:

Firstly, I see you have a summary/ general trend ( second sentence), so it is not neccessary to write conclusion. You can write it if you want or in case you report is not enough words.

secondly, You should use academic word. use " slightly" instead of " a little". " approximately, roughly" instead of " around , about".

Thirdly, use " it is interesting to note that" would be better than " interesting".

I hope they are useful.

Dear phuongthao
thank you to modify my essay.
i have writed many essays , but i have no way to improve my writing level. At the same time , i hope i can improve it for your help,

your sincerely
lee