Unanswered [27] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


The number of commodities transported in United Kingdom 1984-2002 using various transportation


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 7, 2016   #1
The line chart displays the number of commodities transported in United Kingdom from 1984 to 2002 using various kinds of transportation method in million tones. Overall, over 28 years, the trend of each kind was tended to be stable and increased slightly and also most of people like to use Road, otherwise look like they used pipeline in a few times.

It can be seen that Road placed as the highest among all almost 30 years. Started at about 70% in 1974, then grew moderately until reached a little below 100. In contrast, pipeline lied in the lowest position that set about 5 in 1974 then went upward marginally to above 20.

Besides that, in the first year, between rail and water have very small difference, 40 and a slight below 40. However, in 1978, both of them have the similar amount at 40, and after that water become higher than Rail until 2002, 65 and 42 respectively.



akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 7, 2016   #2
Hi Faiz..
These are my thoughts towards your writing.


I suggest you add words when you work wiring task 1. You should write 170-180 words in the writing task 1.

Overall, over 28 years, the trend of each kind was tended...

You should bear your overview in the reality. Don't make multi-interpretations. I am gonna give you the example of overview for that matter.
"Overall, it is important to note that commodities carried through the road were the highest proportion in the whole period, while the pipeline was another alternative track to bear the lowest rate of products.In any case, transports by using the water overtook the position of the rail transport in the percentage of products carried."

70% in 1974

about 5 in 1974

Honestly, you make major mistake. You did not mention the number of quantity. Unfortunately, there should be tons, but you convert to the percentage.
Almost the data did not include the information about the ton.
Please, pay attention to this matter.
badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Nov 7, 2016   #3
1. be careful for write a country that need article "the" such as the UK, and the US

... commodities transported in (the) United Kingdom ...

2. besides is a preposition, i think it shouldn't write with determiner "that"

Besides that , in the first year, (...) very small difference, (at) 40 and ...
..., and after that, [comma] water become higher (...) 2002, (at) 65 and 42 respectively.

3. be careful to mention the percentage in your essay because, so should mention information from the data such as the number of quantity. i think better you mention other important data

Started at about 70% in 1974, then grew ...

good luck


Home / Writing Feedback / The number of commodities transported in United Kingdom 1984-2002 using various transportation
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳