Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS Task 1: Number of students attending three courses from 2001 to 2004



tiaDS 73 / 222  
Feb 20, 2014   #1
The bar chart gives information about the proportion of pupils in three courses during 4 years, over ranging from the early 2001 to the last 2004.

In general, the overall growth in number of students in three courses is not always stable, while only course C which has a dramatic increase of the four year period.

First of all, in 2001, over 4 million students who were presumably enrolled onto courses A, while in 2002 the number of students declined in 2.5 million. By 2003 onwards the numbers continued to grow up so that more than 3 million and in the last period held on above 4 million pupils.

Turning to the data for course B can be seen that in 2001, 2 million students took the course. In 2002, the proportions almost doubled to over 4 million people studying in this course. Nevertheless, only approximately 1.9 million people who attended in course B, was a sharp decline in 2003. Slowly but sure, the number of students rose in 2004 with nearly 3 million.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that only course C which had the significant grow year-by-year. The situation remained reasonably from 2001 to 2002 with 2 million people. Then, in 2003 the number of people rose steadily throughout and stood at peak in the last period with 5 million students.

In conclusion, there has been an overall rise in the number of pupils studying onto all three courses during a 4-year period, between 2001 and 2004.


  • three_courses.png


dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 20, 2014   #2
In general, the overall growth in number of students in three courses is not always stable, while only course C which has a dramatic increase ofduring the four year period.

"In general" makes "overall" redundant. Use one of them!
Also, this could have been a bit more informative;
Overall, the courses C had recorded a sharp growth in number of students by the end of 2004. The courses A and B have experienced major fluctuations with the student attendance numbers during the four years.

Good structure and good writing!
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Mar 6, 2014   #3
First of all, in 2001, over 4 million students who were presumably enrolled onto courses A, while in 2002 the number of students declined in 2.5 million. By 2003 onwards the numbers continued to grow up so that more than 3 million and in the last period held on above 4 million pupils.

This is to assess your report writing skills and therefore you need to adopt a more formal tone in your writing. Avoid phrases like "First of all", "To begin with" etc., which are more appropriate for the IELTS Task 2. In this task you should present the facts and details more concisely and clearly in manner of reporting them to your reader.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Number of students attending three courses from 2001 to 2004
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳