Nowadays, obesity is becoming a global disease, which cause many serious complications

Topic:

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in man countries.

Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions

Here is my writing. This is my first completed writing task 2, please help and give me any suggestion to improve it. Thank you.

Nowadays, obesity is becoming a global disease, cause many related pathology and serious complications. There are many reason lead to this outbreak and several action have been proposed to solve these issues.

It is likely that one of the most prominent cause giving rise to this problem is abuse of junk food, sugary soft drink and others food which are high in calorie, cholesterol and unhealthy fat while at the same time lack necessary vitamin , mineral and protein and these factors are taking a toll on our health.. Additionally, lack of physical activity and laziness are also considered as important cause of obesity, especially for those who work in office and spend most of their time on computer playing game, website suffering. Finally, except external factor mentioned above, obesity can also result from genetic factors, many research show that some specified genes influence the formation of obesity.

The consequences of obesity can be manifested externally as weight gain or potential internal dangers such as high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol. Excessive body weight is associated with various diseases and conditions, particularly cardiovascular diseases, diabetes mellitus type 2, obstructive sleep apnea, certain types of cancer, osteoarthritis,and asthma. As a result, obesity has been found to reduce life expectancy.

Many solution have been proposed and recommended to reduce the risk of obesity. By establishing a healthy diet, eating enough of the essential nutrients, limiting high calorie and fatty foods, it is better to use a nutrition pyramid to build a appropriate diet. In addition, regular exercise and sports are indispensable, take at least 30 minutes per day if possible. Moreover, the contribution of govenrment is also important in limit fast food advertisements, putting a ban on unhealthy items specially prepared keeping in mind to children and controlling commercially available foods.

To conclude, although many countries are now a days falling prey to unhealthy diet but we can fight and defeat this menace with strong will power and taking some preventive actions as described above.

Thong, how much time did you spend researching your response to the given prompt? Your writing comes across as not memorized but rather, a cut and paste of researchable information found online. It appears that you only posted discussion points but no real discussions as to the causes and preventive measures that can be taken to prevent obesity. This has resulted in a writing that is under developed, unclear, and lacking in proper presentations requirements and discussion points. You are not using transition sentences nor phrases.

You also know that you will not be able to do actual research at the testing center since this is a pen and paper test and any terminals in the center will be LAN only right? You did not write this essay from a personal knowledge or point of view, which makes me wonder how familiar you truly are with the given topic. It is important that you use only public knowledge or personal information for these types of direct question essays in order to help you meet the time and presentation requirements during the practice test.

Try to learn how to write about the reasons for obesity in a connected manner. The same applies for all your future essays, regardless of the prompt requirements. Connecting the discussion points help to increase your scoring potential overall. For example:

Junk food is one of the main reasons that children gain weight. When combined with a sedentary lifestyle, there is a tendency for the combination create an obese person. In addition to these two factors, one also has to consider the part that genetics plays in weight gain. That said, when a child is fond of junk food, does not exercise, and comes from a heavy weight family, the combined factors can definitely lead to obesity which, in turn, can lead to health problems.

Health problems such as adolescent hypertension, high cholesterol, and vitamin deficiencies are caused by obesity. When a child is not fond of exercising, the chances for increased health problems such as heart disease also increase. Therefore, obesity presents more than just nutritional problems in an adolescent. It also places a the young person's health at risk. Therefore obese youngsters should be advised to lower their weight due to health considerations.

The above example shows you how to create a connected discussion of different topics, well developed in each paragraph. Each one connecting to the next paragraph in order to meet the clarity, cohesiveness, and coherence requirements of the essay. Once you meet a high score in the TA and C&C scoring bracket, you will most likely get a higher score in the remaining scoring elements as well. If you compare my partial presentation to what you wrote, you will see that mere discussion points , as you presented, do not really address the questions being posed by the prompt in the required manner and format.