IELTS writing task2- traditional views
The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas do not help prepare younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view？
It is sometimes argued that traditional values are useless for young people in this continuing changeable modern world. While I agree with the idea that some of these ideas are unhelpful, I would argue that others are still valuable.
Indeed, some traditional views from the elderly are undeveloped and end up resulting in harmfulness to specific groups. The first unreasonable one is gender biases regarding the condition of the woman. In some of the Arabic nations, women do not have the right to attend schools. Even some of them do have acquired higher education certifications overseas, the proportion of female holding a higher is still low. Second, gender definition is more flexible nowadays. An increasing number of people in the LGBTQ group out of the closet and are willing to show the world who they really are. But such behaviours are completely unacceptable for people holding very traditional ideas. These people tend to believe that either transgender or gay/lesbian is a sin or mental illness. Such opinions limit the right of minorities to some extent. Therefore, there is no place for such ideas in this open-minded era.
However, despite these prejudices, conventional ideas do play a vital and functional role in society, especially for a region's culture. For example, every Chinese read and learn the philosophy of Confucianism, from learning how to enhance the relationship with families, friends or even the world, to behaving brave, honest and gentle, respecting not only the elders but everyone around them. Such values came from 5000 years ago, and still play a central role as a guidebook in Chinese culture. And I do believe that these qualities are still valuable now. Besides, whether an idea is practical or not should be concluded after being practiced.
To sum up, although some of the conservative ideas are useless or even harmful, I would believe that most of them still need to be valued by every generation. In addition, the attitude towards traditional thoughts should not be single-sided, whether useful or not should be proved by human beings and the time.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 Zichen, you should not wrote more than 300 words for this essay. You do not have enough time to write so many words during the actual test. Always practice your essay writing under proper time constraints. Use a timer set for 40 minutes when you do the Task 2 essay. Make sure you allot at least 10 minutes of editing time, leaving you with 30 minutes to write the full essay draft first. You should see that your essay will have a range of only 250-275 words when using time considerations for your essay development.
Now, you did not represent an "extent" response in the proper manner in this essay. You wrote:
While I agree with the idea that some of these ideas are unhelpful, I would argue that others are still valuable.
However, the essay question is asking:
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view？
Therefore, your response is incomplete. The proper response should have included either the following words to indicate your divided extent response:
partially
high / low extent because...
I agree less with...
I agree more with ...
along with other variations of measured response descriptions.
Never use connecting words such as "but" to begin a sentence. Instead, attach it to the first sentence topic by using a comma before the conjunction, this will help you to create a complex sentence presentation while avoiding any improper change of discussion topics within the paragraph. Avoid the over use of commas in your paragraphs as well. Those are run-on sentences that will affect your GRA score. Individual sentences with completely developed thoughts are what is expected of the writer in this essay.
Make sure you learn how to write your thoughts regarding the discussion within 5 sentences composed of simple to complex presentations. That way you increase your GRA score and also write within the time limitations. Writing more than that wastes essay revision time. Time that could have been better spent outlining your essay first to create a coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation. Something that is weak due to the scattered discussion that your paragraphs represent.
It is just one topic per paragraph. Not 2 topics per paragraph unless you are asked for "reasons" and "solutions", in plural form, within the writing instructions. Your paragraphs tended to change the discussion focus from the original because of the multiple reasons you presented, which could lead to a lower TA score. There are no interconnected discussions in your paragraphs, only memorized phrases to guide you towards the number of reasons you have written ( First, second...) , which is not effective in increasing your scoring potential. So keep it down to one topic per paragraph unless otherwise indicated.