Paragraph on making money by successful professionals - IELTS essay

Topic: Successful professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

This is the third paragraph: However, I would agree with those who believe we should support more for the working of other crucial such as education or health,..The main reason for this argument is that I think there are many vital fields which relate to our social more directly than sport. It means that the development of degradation of it have a ( i don't know what adj i should add) influence on our life. Education, for instance should be investigated and concentrated on for the stable improvement of the nation. Another argument is because of the silent contribution of many people who are working for the better world. Hence, we should be grateful to them and support more for their working

Since ChristineB commented on your grammars and vocabs, I just will directly jump to your content.
Your approach and intented idea are very good. Justifying the lack of resources put into education and healthcare - the two fields critical to the development of human being - can buttress your main argument. However, you failed to elaborate on this notion. The followed argument is short and weak. Think more about it and write two or more sentences delineating this point. Something like because education does not allow one to make money immediately, so they are given lower priority from any supports, while professionals realise economic benefits faster, so they are given more access to available resources, consequently continuing to make them more successful.

You can aslo drop "Another argument is because of the silent contribution of many people who are working for the better world." The sentence abruptly digresses the flow of your idea.