Writing paragraphs about life goals

manchint 1 / -

Jun 16, 2021 #1

Money or more free time?

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

Many people believe that money plays the important role in their standard of living. On the other hand, others tend to focus on spare time instead of richness. As I see it, I completely believe that leisure is more crucial for two reasons. To begin with, time is one of the most crucial aspects of making money. The more free time we have, the higher earnings we can get. For instance, overtime is totally the ponderable choice for employees who want to increase their salary if they have enough free time to work all night. Next, despite allowing us to obtain what we need to live, money is not used to exchange true happiness. You can definitely give your family and friends luxury gifts; however, the most precious one is the family reunion or just hanging out with people who we appreciate. Moreover, the time we use for ourselves is not just relaxation, it is a chance to understand ourselves more which can hasten the process of balancing our mind and body. Those things can be done if we have spare time, not wealth. In conclusion, money is important but not everything. To my mind, not only can time glow up our mental health but it can make us treasure the relationships around us, as well. Therefore, do not forget to enjoy your leisure time and get a happier life.

Holt Educational Consultant - / 15470

Jun 17, 2021 #2

Since this is only a single paragraph, you need not lead into your explanation with "To begin with". Go directly into your explanations. The please you started with is normally used to start a new paragraph, which in unnecessary in this type of presentation. Focus the rest of the paragraph on explaining why you believe in leisure in relation to the topic. Where a comparison discussion is not indicated in the discussion instruction, none is required in the response presentation. Your personal response almost became an afterthought and is barely discussed of properly developed in the response paragraph. The paragraph should only mention the other possible choices in the first 2 sentences, no more than that.

The problem though, is that you chose leisure as a response when the choices were only wealth and free time. Free time does not automatically translate into leisure time. There is a slight misunderstanding of the prompt on your part. That is based on a vocabulary error which led to a changed response based on the provided guidelines. Rather than leisure time, the original reference word, free time should have been used for relevance and clarity in this response. It would have been the perfect phrase to use in relation to the provided explanation.