IELTS Task 1: Parcels delivered by two mail services

HI folks, kindly need your comment on my 20 minutes IELTS Task 1. It counts the day before I take the real test IELTS on 24 May :-)

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000.
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The line graph shows the alteration of parcels number delivered by two leading mail services, FedEx and TNT, over a-80-year period between 1920 and 2000.

Overall, while the two main service companies showed wide enough gap at the beginning of the period, they narrowed it in the middle of the period which was in 1960. Interestingly, the gap widened again before finally crossing over in 1990. While the number of parcels organized by TNT increased constantly, FedEx saw a fluctuation over the period.

As per information, in 1920, FedEx stood at 15000 packages taken and saw a considerable increase to approximately 17500 in 1930. After a short peak in 1940, almost reach 25000, a tremendous decrease to 12000 happened for 10 year later. On the other hand, a gradual rise of TNT parcel delivered saw consistency until 1960, at 11000. This was followed by a wide gap trend between them. Finally, in 1990, TNT crossed succesfully over FedEx in term of number parcels organized. This position was consistently showed until the end of the period.

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The line graph shows the alteration of parcelsnumber of parcels delivered by two leading mailcourier services, FedEx and TNT, over a-80-year period between 1920 and 2000.

Overall, while the two main service companies showed wide enough gap at the beginning of the period in terms of volumes they handled , but this gap has beenthey narrowed it in the middle of the period which was in 1960.

Your writing is very good now. You should focus on the layout which presents the 4 paragraph essay then. This is good for someone who wants to earn a good score, up to a band of 6.

But no worries..., 3, 4, 5 or even 6 paragraphs are fine. As long as you write, you will have the band :D
You have the ball in your court now. Good luck for the exam!