TOEFL writing - Are parents best teachers? Yes, they are.

Hi, everyone. Please check my essay and give your advice in my essay. Thank you so much in advance. :)

It is obvious that parents are the first teachers who teach babies how to walk and speak and make children to become a good person. Moreover, parents provide their children the best social skills and knowledge in order to prepare for their children's future life.

First, children are taught basic things, which influence their whole life, by their parents. As a baby, they do not know any thing all around but they learn everything from their parents. Parents always try to explain and describe tenderly all things in simple way so that their baby can understand and learn from that. Consequently, parents bring the whole world of wonderful and colorful thing into their baby's little mind.

Second, parents train their child how to become a good person. They always make their children basically say thanks and apology in the right way. On the one hand, it is common that they try to explain who is a good or bad person. On the other hand, children are shown how to behave well with others. This seems to be easy but this can influence positively their future children and makes children's behavior better before they face the real world.

Third, it is clear that parents are ones who loves their children most and always take care of their children. Thus, they tend to provide the best knowledge and advice from their experience for children. Unlike a professional, parents always support children and give them much social skill so they can communicate well with others and have good habit in life. In fact, parents' support is one factor which makes people succeed in their life.

In conclusion, parents are really the best teachers who give us much knowledge and advice. Based on love, they always try their best to make good condition for their children development in order to prepare children's future life.

hi friend,
i read your essay..first of all my congrts for your effort..n secondly, i think the examinor expects some more vast ideas about this topic in the essay..thirdly,i have tried to rewrite/correct some of the sentences from the first paragraph(according to my ideas..:-)



all the very best for your exams..:-)

First, PARENT TEACH THEIR children ALL THE basic things which HAVE AN IMPACT ON THEIR LIFE.

Second, parents train their child ON how to become a good person.

They always make SURE THAT their children THANK AND APOLOGISE in the right way.

This seems to be easy but this HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF their future children and makes children's behavior better before they face the real world.

Third, it is clear that parents who LOVE their children most and always take GOOD care of their children.

INSTEAD OF USING FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, WHY DONT YOU USE TRANSITIONS LIKE FURTHERMORE, MOREOVER, APART FROM THAT... IT WILL MAKE UR ESSAY BETTER

ya... i agree with geenesh
first and foremost, in addition, in my opinion, last but not least...

It is obvious that parents are the first teachers who teach babies how to walk and speak and make children to become a good person.

This seems to be easy but this can influence positively their future children and makes children's behavior better before they face the real world.

Third, it is clear that parents are ones who loves their children most and always take care of their children.

This is such a great thread!

Here is an opportunity to learn something about the difference between the way you use MAKE and the way you use CAUSE:
Parents can make children become good people.
Parents can cause children to become good people.

When you use CAUSE, you can say "cause to..."

:-)

Ok, thank for your helps. I really appreciate your great jobs.