IELTS; Both parents, father and mother, are indispensable to grow up a child

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You should use your own ideas,knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Please correct it and feedback... and how much does it deserve in IELTS out of 9

Both parents, father and mother, are indispensable to grow up a child. However, more and more people argue that the role played by a father is more important than that played by a mother. Personally, I think that a mother plays a principal and crucial role in the life of her children.

First of all, the main role of a father is to work hard to secure an acceptable standard of living to his children. The stress related to such a pressure is ended by entering the home where there is a mother to take care of the rest, including, but not limited to, preparing the food, cleaning the house, washing clothes and taking care of children.

Nowadays, as women get the same rights as men, they are working at the same positions and sustain the same duties. As a result, it created another pressure upon a mother, she is not just taking care of children but she also has to fulfill the duties of her job. Moreover, she takes care of her husband in addition to her children.

Starting from giving birth after a harsh nine months of pregnancy, then carrying and taking care of the child, and spend most of her time with her baby while her husband is at his work, it leads to a strong loving and caring relation with her child. That is why in many cases children would tend to be closer to their mother than to their father.

In conclusion, despite the fact that a mother has more responsibilities toward her children than a father, the raise of a child to be a good member in the society is a long term process and it needs a collective effort from both parents.

Wrong grammar here...
Both parents, the father and mother, are equally important for a healthy growth and development of a child.


This is actually a wrong introduction. This is not what your prompt says. It says;


This says fathers too should be equally responsible for bringing up children as their mothers do. Always read the prompt very carefully and keep your writing well aligned with the topic. It's pointless writing a full essay that goes out of topic. You'll have to pay for that with your score :(

thank you for your reply, then all your appreciated notes in the introduction 1st paragraph ..ok
what about the rest of the essay? , do you think it was straight to the point or i have derailed from the main question ?

@eagle112 - Pay attention to what Pahan said. It's important that your writing stays with the prompt.


Let's check ;


Here again, very little relevance I find with regard to your prompt. I think you should attempt this essay all over again.

I will attempt the essay again with your instructions ... thank you pahan and dumi