Nowadays, children are supposed to main the ability of independence. More exactly, increasing pressure of life of work should be deal with by oneself. The skill that people decide to do many important things and judge ample of the significant choices are prone to be attained by themselves, because even though they are willing to ask for the assistance, their parents probably cannot help their children to solve every problem. Apart from the quantity of decision, the efficiency might be another obstruction of helping children to make decision. Specifically, the people usually work and live somewhere along with the big resources that contributes to their future, but there might be long distance from their parents. Therefore, in spite of technological communication tools like cellphone, their parents cannot give their children efficient assistance. It is because that everyone could not available to answer the phone at anytime in anywhere. Obvious, parents help their children to make decision may be old-fashion, more worst, it could lead bad effect on children's future.
[...]
Ji, I am unclear as to whether you are writing a statement response to a prompt or if you are writing a TOEFL essay. Kindly provide the full prompt so that we can judge if you wrote the statement or essay properly. As of now, the essay needs to be divided into paragraphs and in the process, the ideas that you presented in the essay can also be further developed and edited to comply better with the prompt. While you have a number of grammatical errors that greatly affect the essay, I will refrain from advising you about how to correct these errors until I have learned what the prompt is and whether this is a statement, essay, or TOEFL essay. Those are 3 different types of essays that need to addressed in specific ways. We can offer you better advice once we know where the essay is supposed to be headed and how :-)
Thank you very much. This is a TEOFL essay. Additionally, this is my first time to post my essay on the website. I don't know the rules about how should I do. Anyway, Thank you so much and I will upload the rest of essay as soon as possible.
I noticed some grammatical errors, but I guess you could fix that and also I was wondering why this essay is too short. I'm also new here and I find it hard to judge other's essays, there are a lot of people here that's way better than me. Anyways, I think your essay could turn out real good when finished and maybe after some polishing :D
There is no doubt that parents are the people who most care about their children in the world. Everything about their children they want to help their children to deal with, because parents think they have acquired a lot of experience from many years' process of life. Especially, nowadays, various temptation and information need young people to tackle with. However, from my perspective, I believe that replacement of their children's brain to make decision will be harmful for children's future. My reasons are listed below.
Parents's idea might be old-fashion in modern society. By that I mean, the time is belong with young people. Countless choices need children to address are be instilled much modern ethic. Even if their parents put heart and soul into helping their children, since the situation has changed very much, the decision made by the old "expert" might be proven not meet the modern requirement. For example, My parents love me very much and everything I am doing or will do that they want to involve in. Once, I was supposed to participate my best friend's birthday party, my mother told me I should prepare a serious gift like clock and so on. I accepted her advice and sent a very old-fashion clock. However, my friend did not like it because nowadays the clock means dead in his culture and it is a taboo as gift. Therefore, sometimes parents might not give our better suggestion. In contrast, children are supposed to more independence to make their own decision.
We cannot deny that rich experience our parents will have, but if they help us to deal with everything without limit, spoiling children will be disaster for their children's future rather than brightness.
Do You Need