Parents - the main factor effect personality on person; Fatherhood vs motherhood

Hi everyone! I'm a new member of this forum. Now, I'm practicing for ielts writting test. So, please! help me :)
Topic: The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

Parents were the main factor effect personality of a person. However, some people think that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies lead on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Personally, I think this idea is totally wrong because the role of father must be important as much as role of mother.

"Bringing the children up" phrases mean that parents have to support for children money or assert, but also can be understand that parents have responsibilities and duties to support for their children motion and teaching them to be successful in the future.

Now a day, in the family, the role of man and woman are equal. So, taking care of children is the responsibility of both father and mother. Father must share house chore with mother after working such as: taking more time play with kids, read to them, helping them to do the homework and giving them some wisdoms for their life. That will become the base to help children growth up and the distant between father and kids will shorter. Moreover, if the children have a good supporting from parents, they will become stronger to face with any situation.

In sum up, father is one of important person for each family. Therefore, they must show their role to support for each member in their family. Maybe it hard to complete, but we need to try because it is a important responsibility and duties.

Parents werearethe main factorsthat greatlya ffect the personality of a persontheir children.

"Bringing the children up" phrasesmean thatP arents, as their prime responsibility, have to bring their children up as they undergo the developmental life stages. Parents have to teach their children morally and support them financially as they go along the right way.for children money or assert, but also can be understand that parents have responsibilities and duties to support for their children motion and teaching them to be successful in the future.

Ok, then mention that in the title itself so that it helps you earn more feedbacks and task relevant comments :)

Parents wereare the main factor effectmost important people when it comes to influencing one's personality of a person .


Ok, have a look at the above two lines. They are very loosely connected with each other. You describe the role played by parents in shaping up one's personality and suddenly jump into who decides having babies.... you need to set up a better link between the lines, otherwise your flow would be disturbed.

Well I understand most of your ideas. However you need to practice writing quite hard :) you need to brush up on your vocab, your academic words, your organization. There is some redundancies in your sentence, maybe ideas or words. Keep trying! I can just correct your grammatical mistakes, you have to try with your ideas, ok?