Most people believe that adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent

I strongly disagree with an idea that teenagers work as they are still students. Childhood is a period of time that child should learn how to prepare for the future life. Having a job for student may disrupt his concentration to their child life and it may harm his study.

Child life can bring more opportunities for any child to develop his personality. During these years, teenagers should expand their characteristics. Children, who could not develop their personality, definitely encounter many problems in adulthood. Therefore, those teenagers, who work, would not be able to concentrate to their child life. As they grow, they may face many hardships.

While students study, they have to focus on their study. They need plaything when they are free and they need peers to play with, so these demands are incredibly essential. Therefore, they cannot spend time for working. Actually, Adulthood is the time that a person must be independent and provide his needs by working.

However, money is too important for everyone, but it should be considered that money is not everything. Most people believe that Adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent

Well, the first feeling I got is that your essay is too short for the task. You need to meet the minimum word requirement and do not fall short of it.

Then, you begin your essay by expressing your opinion. It is recommended that you first introduce the issue and then express your opinion on that.

Follow this approach for your introduction.
Write an interesting sentence which we call a hook that can grab your reader's attention. It should be interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic. Make sure that it is not a very lengthy sentence. Then introduce the issue to the reader - you can do this by paraphrasing your prompt. Finally, tell your opinion to the reader very clearly.

I cannot catch this point. Can you make it clear?


What do you mean by free here?


there are many needs. Make sure that you state it clear. Let's say: Results show that the need for job security becomes more important for adult workers