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People benefits more from travelling in their own country than from travelling to foreign countries.



marned 4 / 7  
Jun 21, 2015   #1
The statements asks about benefits of travelling abroad and in own country and which of them is more beneficial. From my experience, travelling in their own country has more benefits. Why? Because of many reasons including help to increase our country's economy, touch history of our country and be familiar with culture of different cities.

First, travelling in our country helps flourishing of economy. For example, one of my friends went to Turkey for vacation. So, he had to take much money with himself. Accordingly, he went to an exchange and bought around 3000 Dolor. After he came back, he had no money and spent all in Turkey. But, I used to travel in my country. I spend money in my country. Although traveling to abroad is so tempting.

Additionally, I think our children firstly need to know about their country. It can be so exciting and fascinating for them. My brother is a good example. He studied about our country in geography and history class. But he was interested in seeing them from near. My parents took us to various part of our country full of ancient monument and statues. Therefore, he was able to touch them and investigate all details by his eyes. It was an educational experience for all of us.

Finally, when we travel inside our country, we can be familiar with different cultures and languages. In Iran, my country, there are miscellaneous social and religious ceremonies. For instance, when I was kid, we went to south part of Iran. I was shocked due to their cloths, languages that they communicate and also their wedding ceremony. On the other hand, their food was amazing and the taste was near to Indian food. I can say it was an amazing experience for me and never forget.

For those aforementioned reasons, I personally believes that travelling inside our country is better than to foreign country. Due, it has many benefits for us and also our country. The benefits are include burgeoning our country's economic, helping families to know and touch the history from near and being friends with ceremonies and cultures of different parts of our country.

EF_Carol - / 145  
Jun 21, 2015   #2
Your essay has the proper format, of intro, conclusion, and three body paragraphs! This is excellent. Just a couple of pointers.

The statements ask...

CORRECTED: The questions are...

A question asks, and this is what you are responding to, not a statement, which just states, or tells you something.

He had to take much money...

CORRECTED: He had to take a lot of money...

You need to watch your selection of word choice. Use a dictionary if necessary, to make sure the word makes sense.

Your intro has a thesis statement, which introduces the three reasons you feel travel in your own country is better. That is good, because you end the first paragraph, with it, as you should.

Next however, you could use better transition words, to introduce the body paragraphs. Yours are a little casual. When you write for school, you need to be more formal.

The conclusion is done well, as you sum up your argument.

I think with some word choice corrections, and more formal use of transitional phrases, your essay would be stronger.

Good start!

ef_carol


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