IELTS: Some people like to do only what they already do well.

Hello friends..
I am newcomer in IELTS. Could you read my essay and give me some feedback, please?
Thank's before.. :)
Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Personally, I prefer to try new things and take risks. I think that all people want to success in life. They must work hard and gain knowledge and experience. Moreover, when people do things they already do well, they must improve their knowledge.. I base my statement on the following points.

Some of people who want to be success must constant to improve their knowledge and get good experience. Furthermore, they must try to do the best at their job. Therefore, they need to try new things, take risks sometimes and work hard. It is impossible to live without trying new things. For example, I want to drive motorcycle but I cannot to do it. So, I must learn methods of use motorcycle and must now about driving rules.

Additionally, I people need changes make our lives more beautiful and exiting. We find out new things, learn new things and dream to know other things. People need challenges because can make to become stronger.

To sum up, I believe that people is aspiration for learning new things. It is the main reason the way we live now. People make many discoveries and inventions that make our lives easier, happier and longer.

firstly your essey is very too short for task 2
in introdaction you have to follow this structure rephrase topic sentence + general opinion + agree or disagree

I find many problems: grammar, vocabulary, sentence, idea.


Try to include some specific examples for your reasoning


Read as many IELTS writings as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.

It's better to conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion.

to be successful or to succeed.
It is advisable for you to improve you grammar due to it will help you a lot in your IELTS writing. FIGHTINGGGG! :)

hy sist...
i think you should write like this. "They must work hard, gain knowledge, and experience.:)

this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement =this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .

Yes, this needs structural improvements. Follow what Pahan has suggested above.


This body para does not contain any specific example :(

[quote=]Additionally, I people need changes make our lives more beautiful and exiting. [/quote]

I think if you want use "people", you can lose " I" :)