Some people like to communicate by e-mail and voice mail. Less face-to-face action?

The twentieth century is famous to communicate century because of extension of communication technology such as email, satellite, mobile, and so forth. Even though these progresses to gather with more convenience for people and saving their daily time but they have some disadvantages for them too. In the case of communication for instance, these advance means lead to less the face-to-face contact among people that I believe this direct communication among people is so necessary for them. My major reasons for this idea are listed below.

At first, all of us need to contact with our friends or families to express our feeling about our problems or happiness. For example, when a person has a problem in his job with his boss or in home with his families, he needs to talk about these difficulties with his nearest friend to relief himself; saying these issues by e-mail or voice mail has not enough effect on the opposite person and so he cannot appreciates his upsetting; then, it is not useful for creation a sympathy.

Additionally, communication via e-mail or voice mail is to gather with some problems. For instance, in voice mail may be the voice is not received clear by another or may be has trembling that opposite person thinks that his friend who speaks with him has upsetting or illness and as a result he will concern about him. Also, in e-mail if the writer doesn't write the sentence as clear and correct it can create some misunderstandings for its reader. While in direct speech by phone or face-to-face the person can restate his opinion until who he talks with him gets his mean.

In conclusion, although using e-mail or voice mail has many benefits in connection among people in specific times, with noticing to the reasons mentioned above I prefer to related to my friends and families via phone or face-to-face rather than e-mail or voice mail.

What is the rubric for this assignment. There are some grammar and spelling mistakes. Is it ok for you to be writing in 1st or 2nd person or is it supposed to be in 3rd person? How long is it supposed to be? Do you need to follow the 5 sentences in each paragraph and 5 paragraphs?

Hi dear Mahru

As I see your weak point in writing is the problem of other "Farsi" speakers. In fact you have written a kind of translation of the your Farsi thinking.

The part such as:

"My major reasons for this idea are listed below"

is authentic Farsi thinking and speaking.

Don't worry it is not a big fault. I can say that I and all other languages speakers are suffering from the same problem, too. The easiest thing is to listen and read more English.

Regarding to your writing, I have to say it is a little complicated. At the beginning for writing essay try to use short and easy sentences, which try easily to convey the information and avoid long and complicated sentences. The next small problem with your writing is your structure. As a rule in TOEFL or IELTS the structure of the essay is almost authentic with some minute differences.

Frankly speaking, your introduction does not contain the proper explanation of the problem, which is the difference between direct and indirect communication.
You have started with issues like new technologies and email ..., which are not too relevant to the question, which is
" What do you prefer? The direct or indirect communication?"
Your introduction could be started like this:

" When it comes to the way that we can communicate with others some people prefer sending the email or voice message, while other like to contact with others directly by email or phone calls. I believe the direct communication like calling directly or meeting in person can be more convenient or reliable.

First, ( give your reason and its examples but with short sentences and easier words"
Second, (again your reason and examples)
Third, (again your reason and examples)

Important Note: It is better to have at least 3 reasons because you can provide less complication and fulfill your words limit.

Conclusion: restatement of your reasons without adding a new arguments or reasons, as well as avoiding the use of the same vocabulary in the title or question.

I hope you got the main points and if there is any question do not hesitate to ask.

Keep trying

Dear Aria
Thank you so much for your advising. As you said I have problems in my writing especially in starting of it and need the help. I try to apply them.