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People should limit the use of electronic media to maintain relationships in reality


tyar32 10 / 14  
Aug 17, 2016   #1
IELTS Task 2 : The effects of Electronic Media

Most people use electronic media for their daily activites. There are so many negative effect that caused by electronic media. It is also affect many problems on personal relationships between people. I argue that people should limit the use of electronic media because we need to keep relationship between others in reality life.

Today people use their whole time to busy with their electronic media. They spent a lot of time to watch television or browsing internet, rather than have conversation with their neighbor. People choose to use their phone to make a call or send a message than speak each other face to face. Sometimes, we forget any changes that happens in surroundings because we are to focused with our business. Forget that we have a new neighbor or something changed. However, the changes are near from our house. Even though media have many advantages such as make one person and another become connected, people even more do not understand each other.

Electronic madia changed people lifestyle in the world. Although most people say that electronic media give bad impact to society, there are many benefit that we can get from it. Smarphone is one of electronic media that give much advantages for people to keep in touch regularly with their friends that live in other region or country. This madia also allow people to networking for many kind of business. People can make a lot of friends easily with their own smartphone. That can visit few website that connecting with others.

(253 words)

Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 17, 2016   #2
hi....

MostMany people use electronic media for their daily activites activities. There are so many negative effect that ... - spelling
It is also affect effect many problems ...

I argue that I think, people should limit the to use of electronic media because we ...
Today people use their whole time toso busy with their electronic media.
They spent a lot of much time (...) internet, rather than have make conversation with their neighbor.
People choose to use their phone to make a call ...

... are to focused with our business, and Forget that we have a new ... (conjunction)

Even though media have many two advantages such as (...) people even more they do not understand each other. (pay attention for your verb agreement)

thank you
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 17, 2016   #3
Hi tyar,
Here some corrections for you,

- There are so many negative effectS that
- It is also affect many problems on personal relationships between people
- I argue that people should limit the use ofusing electronic media (...) between others in realityreal life.
- Today people use their whole time ...Today most of people use their time to play with their electronic media
- They spent a lot of time to watchwatching television or (...) conversation with their neighbor
- because we are to focusedfocus with our business.
- there are many benefitS that we can get from it.
- SmarphoneSmartphone (spelling)
- madiamedia (spelling)

Be careful for miss spelling. Hopefully it helps


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