People make differentiation on skills and ability between women and men; IELTS2

Hi everyone, my name is Tias Subiasti, and I am IELTS student. I need feedback for my writing specially on my grammatical range and accuracy, lexical resources, task respond, coherent and cohesion.

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.

Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender?

Usually people make differentiation on skills and ability between women and men. It is disagree that it is incorrect to include gender in several jobs. This essay will discuss about double standard within female and male that leading to discrimination, secondly discuss about how double standard inhibit people to do something that they want.

Double standard between male and female it happened since a long time, it is because of some of people in our community think that women lack of strength in some particular jobs and vice versa with men, and also there is some behavior that lead into discrimination such as if men who doing it, it will be OK, but if women who doing it, it will be something unusual or embarrassing, and vice versa. For example in some countries if men become driver is something usual but if woman become a driver it something unusual. Also with men, in the previous time mostly people who do make up is women but and if men who do make up is something unusual and embarrassing.

The issue about double standard also has leading to some inhibition for some people, one of them is about when man do make up or expert on make-up many people think that the men doing something embarrassing and it lead the men to feel not confident and then inhibit his passion that he loves. It also happened with woman. But nowadays people become more open minded and some of people be aware about this issue.

In conclusion, female and male usually differentiate in several jobs because some people think there is strength and weakness between men and women, and a lot of people still dealing with this issue. Double standard issue leading to some problem such as discrimination and inhibit people self-development.

Tias, your essay will be considered in deviation of the prompt requirements because you created a new discussion point different from the original. Look at it this way:

Original Prompt Topic: Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.
Original Discussion Prompt: Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender?

You changed the above to:
Your Prompt Topic: It is disagree that it is incorrect to include gender in several jobs
Your Discussion Prompt: This essay will discuss about double standard within female and male that leading to discrimination, secondly discuss about how double standard inhibit people to do something that they want.

Correct Prompt Paraphrase: Men and women are often seen to have different abilities when it comes to the workplace. These could be physical or mental differences which lead to the person not being hired for the job. I believe that it is wrong to not hire people based on perceived weaknesses of a specific gender and hiring a person based on the understanding of a particular gender's strengths.

The essay is not about gender discrimination, but it is about the double standard in hiring men and women. Therefore, your essay only partially responds to the prompt requirements because you added a discussion topic "gender discrimination" which was not part of the original presentation. The original presentation was only about the strengths and weaknesses of each gender, there was no indication that the person was not being hired just because one is a man or woman. Rather, the prompt indicates that the person is not being hired due to the perceived weaknesses of each specific gender. The discussion is asking if you agree that a person should not be hired because of gender, based on the given reasons in the prompt. It has nothing to do with gender discrimination based solely on double standards. Therefore your response does not correctly discuss the given discussion points.

Your reasoning paragraphs do not focus on strengths and weaknesses but on whether one gender wears make-up or not, or the embarrassment of being considered for a job that is normally for men. You did not focus on the mental and physical strengths and weaknesses that the essay was referring to. This led to a different discussion that was based on gender discrimination using non-prompt related topics instead. When writing a Task 2 essay, your discussion must not use information not included in the original prompt otherwise you risk getting a failing score in the TA section, which means your essay may not get a chance at a passing score after all other errors in your writing are considered.