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People rely on more than on job



Cachaaaaaaaa 28 / 34  
Oct 23, 2016   #1
The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible cause for these changes and give your suggestion which can be taken in the future?

It is been so popular for people prioritize more than one job in this globalization era. The higher living cost is the main cause of this trend, and I myself believe that the workable solutions to address this issue are becoming different lifestyle and behaving towards this condition.

A human basic need which costs higher every single day is the reason why the workers try to find other jobs to fulfill their life. The primary need that is so crucial to be completed, then secondary and tertiary need that also support people to be hard workers, thus to comply all their necessities and to satisfy their family. These conditions make the employee thinks that rely on one job will never be enough, moreover when they have married and have many children with different needs. The increase of financial support of people surely becomes the possible effect of the work world changing totally different than in the past.

The life style that always encourages people to follow the trend should be decreased since following other people's lifestyle is wasting time and wasting money. In the very common case, when the up to date cell phone is launched, we always dream to have it although we know that our phone now is still perfect to be used. By changing our life to be far from luxury surely will help them to fulfill our primary need. The other solution that can be taken is being accustomed with the changing of the work world that rely on more than one job. The steps that we can do to get used it are being thrift for the gradual expenditure and being behave to spend our time focus on more than one jobs. When people had undergone with the condition of having more than one job, they will be comfortable with it since the have been a part of it.

In conclusion, the increase of living cost supports people to take more than one job to fulfill their need and I firmly believe that the workable solutions for this changing are being unpretentious people and being accustomed of prioritizing more tow or more jobs.

fadhilmd25 41 / 71  
Oct 24, 2016   #2
Dear cacha, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct me if I get wrong corrections,

A human basic need which costs higher every single day -->
A cost of human basic need which is getting higher every single day

These conditions make the employee thinks that ... -->
These conditions influence the employee to think that relying on one job will never be enough, while the situation is more demanding if they have already married and have many children that have different needs

the increase of living cost supports people to ... -->
the increase of living cost encourage people to take more than one job so that they can fulfill their needs. Besides, I firmly believe that the workable solutions for this changing are being unpretentious people and being accustomed of prioritizing more tow or more jobs.

hope it helps you to improve your writing,

Regards
dinartika19 37 / 66  
Oct 26, 2016   #3
Hi Caca!

Paragraph 1 :
I myself believe that the workable solutions to address this issue...

When you state "becoming different lifestyle and behaving towards this condition." in your overview, that is mean you will write about it in the second and third paragraph. Unfortunately, I could not find it in your essay.

Body paragraph :
I think it is better for you to give examples in your body paragraph about your idea.

Overall, I like the spirit which you try to develop your idea clearly in a simple word and phrase.

Good Luck!


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