People think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum age for driving.

you must be adult enough to drive

It is universally believed that the rise of the legal driving age for drivers and motorists is the optimal method in an attempt to ameliorate the traffic security. According to what I believe, I myself partly with the statement for several following reasons.

The adolescents typically show a rich variety of their negative behaviours when driving on the streets. They are regularly aggressive, immature and even reckless, therefore, there is no surprise when they commit violation such as crossing the red light, no using helmet as well as exceeding the speed limit. As a consequence, these activities are the precursors to fatal collisions. Nevertheless, misadventures are not the matter of age but of awareness and attitudes. To exemplify, according to the final report of survey results and polls on May 2016 conducted by DanTri Newspaper which is one of the top newspapers in VietNam, 70 percent of the accidents that took place in VietNam were attributed to the senior citizens.

I would argue that there are a large number of better measures for ensuring road safety. The first one is that governmental leaders should enforce more stringent laws and suspend the driving license long-term. For instance, people who break traffic rule must be required to pay huge fines or be bar them from commuting on the streets. As a result, traffic crashed will be sprung down and commuters will likely respect the law. Another solution is to invest more money in transport infrastructures and construct overhead bridges. It broadens roadways and of course catalyzes to decrease the traffic congestion.

In conclusion, although I believe that apart from increasing the legal age for driving, I am in favor of the fact that there are a lot of positive ways to safeguard inhabitants travelling on the streets everyday.

Bao, this is one of the most confusing essays I have read on this forum. Your opening statement identifies your stance o the matter but does not properly represent a thought or analytical process that helped you arrive at that conclusion towards the end of the paragraph. I believe that this is because you only wrote the essay but did not bother to proof read and edit the content before you submitted it. When you do not appropriately represent your discussion at the very beginning of the essay, you can already expect to get a very low score on the work that you did. If you review your opening statement, you will see that while you were being asked to agree or disagree with the statement, you did not provide a response along that line towards the end of your opening statement. Since you will be writing this essay under time constraint and without the aid of external internet sources, please keep your discussion to the more obvious and popular information for sharing in the essay. You are not expected to impress the examiner with the data you present. You must impress him with your ability to express yourself in the English language. Which is something that you did not do very well in this essay.

What are you arguing in the essay? You are not being asked to argue, you are being asked to defend the side that you support in the discussion. So you are to present only one side of the argument and then support that with evidence that proves your belief is the correct one. By the way, regarding your grammar structure, that is the biggest problem that you have with this essay. Please make sure that all of your sentences have complete thoughts and represent a properly developed thought process. One of your mistakes in this essay is as follows:


-There should be a period between "reckless" and "therefore" because those are already two different thoughts and as such, represent two different sentences.

You also cannot say


because "According to" means that the information is coming from a secondary instead of direct source. You could instead say "I believe that..."

Now, considering the major problems with your essay, specially in the relation to the misunderstood instructions, I believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 overall.

behaviours = behaviour (U)
VietNam = Vietnam
I think your essay still seem tendentious, especially body 1.

I reckon brainstorming the ideas first before writing.

Your body paragraphs needed to present more clear points.

Stick with the topic which offered to you. YOU MUST BE ADULT ENOUGH TO DRIVE

A lot of vocab though, which is good. Keep practising!