[IELTS]Some people think success is the best measure of intelligence

Some people think success is the best measure of intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

what is your opinion?

There has always been a debate among two terms, success and the intelligence to determine which impies the other. Many individuals think that intelligence can be measured based on the one's success, However, I would agree with those who believe it can be calculated by a number of other different methods.

Firstly, it is already established that not all intelligent people get successful, many of them strive throughout their lives. One of the most common factor that can be used to determine intelligence is based on person's knowledge in their domain. In other words, How much knowledge does one have in their field of profession and the attention to detail they put into their work, regardless of the outcome. For illustration, in cybersecurity career, professional's that have vast knowledge about computers with expertise in detecting every smallest vulnerability in system are considered intelligent hackers. Alternatively, if companies were looking for brilliant work-force based on one's successful projects, they would have hard-time finding workers.

Futhermore, a number of other traits like resilience and passion also serve the purpose to scale person's intelligence. This is because an individual who doesnot like what they do in their profession and are just motivated by money are usually incompetent. A passionate person with stubborn attitude to achieve things regardless of hurdles are top traits of intelligent people. For illustration, Elon Musk, despite failing three-times in landing rocket, investors agreed to invest money on him fourth time because they saw passion and resilience in his disposition.

To recapitulate, I believe, a number of factors, such as excellence in working domain, passion, mental-ability to overcome problems can be used to scale one's brilliance and IQ not just limiting to success factor .

Your prompt paraphrase is difficult to understand because you did not use the proper words in the first sentence. You tried to use advanced vocabulary when you are only capable of elementary English words. Do not try to use complex words when you are not sure about how to use the word or, as in this case, if you know how to spell the word. The error is as follows:

There has always been a debate among two terms, success and the intelligence to determine which impies the other.

For starters, this is not a debate, it is only a discussion or an idea. As you can see in the original prompt, the phrase reference was "Some peoplethink..." , meaning, it is an idea. So you have to use the correct keyword paraphrase which is; "There has always been a difference in ideas involving intelligence..." Another error you made was in word choice. There is no such word as "impies". You tried to use a term you were not familiar with which is "implies", meaning to infer to suggest.

The first reasoning is incorrect. Intelligent people are successful people, even without an education. Steve Jobs, Mike Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, all 3 did not graduate from college and yet proved their intelligence by providing the world with computer tech that changed the way we live. Elon Musk, graduate from several colleges and universities with a BA and BS. His intelligence is both measured by his passion and his degrees. He wasn't just street smart, which is the intelligence that is referred to in this essay, he also had a proper intelligence measurement based on his degrees, along with his success. The prior 3 men, used their inborn intelligence and street smarts to get ahead. They are all intelligent based on differing criteria.

Your mistake was focusing on financial success as the measure of intelligence. That is where you made a mistake in the analysis of the prompt. You were to discuss the intelligence angle based simply on the success of a person in life. Not a financial success, but by the project he successfully led. Your reasons which are passion, excellence in working domain, mental ability to overcome problems does not prove intelligence. It only proves resilience, which is a far cry in definition from intelligence and success.

Hi, There are some mistakes in your essay:
it is has already established
One of the most common factors
vulnerability=>vulnerabilities
Your conclusion should include at least 2 sentences. So you should give your prediction or recommendation in the second sentence.

Hi, you should carefully use the vocab. Because no matter how splendid the essay you wrote, vocab is also the dimension and it will also affect you score. So only when you really sure how to exactly use the accurate words, I would recommend you use the words you really know it and try to paraphrase it with same meaning.

I think you should use the words that you have understood them correctly so that you can prevent your sentences from obscure meaning.