The percentage of Australians from six different household types struggling with poverty in 1999

IELTS task 1 - Proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999

I've just started to study IELTS so I hope everyone will be willing to help me. Thanks in advanced.
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Poverty in Australian society

The given table illustrates the percentage of Australian from six different household types struggling with poverty in 1999. The data was measured in both percent and practical statistic.

It is noticeable in the last bold line that the number of poor Australian was really worth considering as it accounted for 11% of this country's population. Differed little from this, 933.000 people in couple-with-children families living below standard also made up 12% of their respective group. This record indicates that it is two times higher than 54.000 single aged individuals who suffered from financial problems.

As for aged couple, there was only 4% people living in poverty, thus the lowest position belongs to this group. In contrast, the quantity of poor Australian in sole-parent household category was the highest percentage (21%). This figure is 5 times higher than the lowest and clearly demonstrates the huge gap of economical statics between two kind of family, sole-parent and aged couple.

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Nhi, first up, use a comma instead of a period when indicating information in the thousands. Always follow the method by which the information is written in the chart for information accuracy. If you want to write an accurate presentation of information, you need to go line by line in your presentation. Present the data as it appears in the chart. Don't jump to the end of the chart and then go back to the start. The information in bold should have been discussed in the final paragraph of the essay. By the way, you should try to write more words. Aim for at least 175 in order to help your lexical resource and grammar accuracy score.

You could have expanded the essay by properly outlining the information in the chart regarding the type of families included in the percentage. The types of family represented in the chart are vital to the opening statement presentation. That is supposed to be the overview of the information and type of discussion in the summary report so a representation of the classification and discussion is required in the outline portion. The outline is normally presented at the end of the opening statement.

Since this is your first essay, I will not score your work just yet. I want you to pay attention to the mistakes you made in this essay first, correct it, and learn from the mistakes you made. That way, you will remember to avoid it in your succeeding practice tests. Keep writing, we will help you get better and prepare for your test.