Writing Task 1 - The percentage of new graduates finding job in Ontario - Line Chart

The line chart gives the percentage of new graduates who found jobs as teachers of English and French each year from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that French teachers were more hired in Ontario than were English teachers although English teachers in 2001 were more than other language teachers at the same period.

At the beginning of period, teachers of both languages had approximately a 70% success rate in finding jobs. However, the next two years saw a slight decrease in French teachers at about 55 percent, and then increased by almost 70 percent, compared to English teachers which went down sharply by 30% to 40%.

2003 to 2005 experienced a stable rise in both French language teachers and English language teachers, from 68 to 70 percent and from 40 to 43 percent respectively. However, in the following year of graduation witnessed a significant difference between French teachers and English teachers who were hired. French teachers of 2007 were more finding jobs at over 70%, compared to English teachers which dropped sharply to below 30% in the same year.

(182 words)

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  student book 5-6 unit 3 writing 1
  

Hi Ilham,

Here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1.

1st paragraph:
- The line chartgraphgivesreveals/depicts/illustrates("gives" is okay, but the word level is too low. My alternative words would increase your band score in lexical resource part) the percentage of (...) English and French each year from 2001 to 2007 in Ontario .

- Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of French teachers were more hiredhigherin Ontario than were English teachers. (stop here, new sentence)

- However,althoughthe percentage of English teachers in 2001 were more than other languagesurpassed French teachers at the samein the end of the period. (be careful, mentioning a specific data (year) in the overview paragraph would not increase your band score to 6 or above)

Your last paragraph is okay, but your second paragraph experience a problem with sentence structure. You need to remember that you need to write at least 3 sentences for each paragraph of your essay. The idea is to have you deliver a complete understanding of the graph you are given. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, the examiner would not consider it as acceptable and therefore, your band score cannot reach 6 or above. I hope you can learn something and create a better essay in the next practice. Good luck :)