The percentage of visitors in an Australian zoo, library, theater, and cinema

Please give me score for this writing and help me to improve it by giving some suggestions. Thanks
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Task 1 IELTS: The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia

The bar chart indicates the percentage of three different visitors living in Australia who visit four different locations classified into zoo, library, theater, and cinema. These visitors are divided into those born in Australia, new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries. What stands out from the data reveals that cinema is the most popular place among all places and the greatest rate in every location is broken up by different visitor category.

To begin with, all visitors have common interest in cinema and visitors born in Australia shows the highest interest at virtually 70%. Nevertheless, both cinema and theater percentage illustrate enormous difference. The lowest interest of visitors is described in theater rate with only less than 25% visitors.

Furthermore, major percentage of different place is peaked by different visitor category. The new migrants born in English-speaking countries category hit two greatest rates in library and zoo location. Its rate in zoo place is slight under the percentage of the highest one in Library place reaching the percentage above 50%. Surprisingly, the point of those born in Australia is identified as the highest rate not only in cinema but also entire places.

• 
  
  

Hi Nurtria, I would like to help you out with your analysis.

Overall,it is a good analysis, you were able to elaborate your understanding of the pie chart. What I also like about the analysis is that you are able to expand the analysis in order to better understand the chart.

Moreover, you used simple words that will definitely help in understanding the chart, the presentation of the information is also very consistent and it is hugely base on facts and the figures given in the chart.

Towards the conclusion, I suggest that you add your personal opinion to the task at hand, this is one way to get more following on your analysis.

For future writing reference, keep up the creativity and make sure that the facts and figures of the analysis is consistent all through out the essay.