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A person develops different qualities and traits as he grows up from a child into an adult



syedali1 1 / 1  
Jan 3, 2015   #1
A sense of good humor is one of the most important human qualities. TOEFL

A person develops different qualities and traits as he grows up from a child into an dault which play a vital role in his personality and success through his life. People would argue what are the most important qualities that a man should posses but I am of the opinion that a good sense of humor is one of those qualities. This charactersitic allows people to be very approachable and and also gives them to ability to turn a seemingly difficult situation into an easy one.

Firstly, a person with a good sense of humor will often put smiles on the faces of people around him. This will make peers, friends, acquintaces, students and other people alike more likely to be around since that person will not have a serioues demenour. Also, a person with a good sense of humor will be more social and thus can not only know a lot about people but also share his problems with them. On the other hand, someone with a demenor of seriousness is likely to scare off many people and will be more lonely. He will not be able to discuss problems with them and get a good advice on how to solve them. Even if he does manage to share his problem, the solution given to him will be less candid and may not be the best one. As a person with a good sense of humor is more approachable and takes everything lightly, he will get an open and honest opinion about solution to his problem allowing him weigh his options and choose the one to go about with.

Secondly, such a person also shows a remarkable poise in the face of difficult situations. He will take such a situation more bravely and will turn it into an easy one since he posseses the quality of seeing it as an optimist. A humorous person will look at a task by not how much difficult it is, but how much easy it is. Also a person with a good sense of humor can crack a light joke before a serious argument between people build up and diffuse a possible dangerous situation from building up. For instance, me and my friends after losing a game of football were angry on other team. One of the friends cracked a light joke and everyone bursted in to laughter thus diffusing a further contention between team players and our focused went on from blaming each other to how we can improve our game.

To sum up, a person may have many qualities but the quality of humor is one of the most important one too. It helps look at the bright side of things and also makes a person more approachable and useful to have.

Please provide me with valuable ways on how I can improve and what score would I have gotten with this on an actual TOEFL test.

vincenm 11 / 24  
Jan 4, 2015   #2
I am giving my opinion as a person who got 29/30 in Writing section of TOEFL IBT.

First of all I think you didnt explain the essay prompt. It is more defined the title you gave.

1. Intro not stunning. Add more meat into it. People read it s well. Hook them with an exmaple / anecdote/ saying etc. if possible. "People would argue what are the most important qualities that a man should posses but I am of the opinion that a good sense of humor is one of those qualities." I dont like this sentence.

2. Your advantages / plus points are good. But try to work out the disadvantages of having sense of humour in another para. But I seriously think you shouldnt waste time on disadvantages as TOEFL writing essay expects you to take a stand either supporting it or rejecting it.

3. Your conclusion is a restatement of your earlier points. On its own this is not good. You should also add more closing arguments as well.

4. Your word count of over 400 words is good.

5. Many grammar,spelling and structure errors seen. Whatever maybe allocate 5 mins to read thru the essay and fix spelling, grammar and structural mistakes.

Overall score I will give : 6/10.
Jichengwen 2 / 5  
Jan 4, 2015   #3
I suggest you change your beginning of every paragraph. Do not use" a person...." for three times
OP syedali1 1 / 1  
Jan 4, 2015   #4
Thank you vincenm for your candid opinion. How can I improve my intro and conclusion? I learned from a Youtube video that you need to put in a very brief introduction. It must contain your thesis and your reasons which I explained in other paragraphs. Also any clues on how to improve my conclusion will be highly appreciated.


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