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IELTS (Writing 2) - Personality development - Born characteristics Vs Experiences


montegrappa 3 / 12  
Feb 25, 2014   #1
Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence?

My Attempt:

Personality development is definitely an interesting yet complicated topic to explore. Amongst the heated debates on whether inherited characteristics or life experience is the most critical contributing factor to this development, my personal sentiments are on par with the idea that the great importance of life experience outweighs its counterparts.

Genetic programming, admittedly, plays an important role in shaping one's personality. For instance, unlike his family members, a neighbour of mine is born to be rude and he always fails to take other's feeling into account. Thus, nothing but inherit attributes could explain this development. Nevertheless, this can never undermine the solid correlations between this development and life experience.

By contrast, life experience such as receiving education could instill people with high moral standards and therefore alter one's personality. My young cousin, who was caught by his father for his robbery behaviour as an ample example, rectified his misconduct and develops a high degree of honesty as well as integrity after receiving proper values inculcation. This makes apparent that personality can be changed throughout life lessons.

Further, critical events can also shape one's personality. Jacqueline, another friend of mine, was undoubtedly an extrovert girl whereas hardly could she stop from talking to others even for an hour. However, she was turned to be an introvert person and has refused to communicate with virtually everyone after the death of her parents because of the car accident 2 years before. Thus, critical event is in no doubt being able to alter one's personality abruptly.

To sum up, although inherit characteristic do shape one's personality, the influence on one's personality development by life experiences is obviously outweighs that by its counterparts.

(278 Words)

Desperate for all your comments ! :(

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 25, 2014   #2
Hi, you are wealth in vocabulary variation. Better if you consider the coherent line when you choose the vocabulary.

Amongst the heated debates on whether inherited characteristics or life experience is the most critical contributing factor to this development, my personal sentiments are on par with the idea that the great importance of life experience outweighs its counterparts.

consider to separate this thesis statement.
OP montegrappa 3 / 12  
Feb 25, 2014   #3
Hi dear,

Thanks for your comment.

Would you have any suggestions on separating this thesis statement for example?

I am unfortunately trained my GMAT and feel comfortable with extremely long and boring sentences...

Another question, what do mean by coherent line?

:( Please help if it is possible


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