Petition to University administration/ GRE analyze

The following appeared in a petition presented by Classen University students to the school's administration.

"The Purpose of higher education is to prepare students for the future, but Classen students are at a serious disadvantage in the competition for post-college employment due to the University's burden-some breadth requirements. Classen's job placement rate is substantially lower than placement rates of many top-ranked schools. Classen students would be more attractive to employers if they had more time to tak advanced courses in their speiclaty, rather than being required to spend fifteen percent of their time at Classen taking courses outside their subject area. We demand, therefore, that the University avandon or drastically cut back on its breadth requirements."

The Author's intention to increase post-college employment rates is commendable. However, the author's argument is lacking in the fact that his/her analysis is a bit narrow, focusing simply on the curriculum's breadth requirement while not focusing at all on other factors.

The Author mentions that Classen's Breadth requirement is to be blamed for the lack of employment. The Author mentions fifteen percent. Fifteen Percent of what? How much is fifteen percent? ten days? twenty days? A month? There is an ambiguity about how much pressure students face. It may be possible that fifteen percent is not much in terms of the actual time. And thus does not prove to be an encumberance, implying that specialized courses can still be taken. And if this is true, curriculum cannot be blamed. If the author can provide concrete data about how many credits hours students have to spend on major and non-major courses, only then can a detailed analysis be made.

The Author mentions that students from Classen would be more marketable if they were able to take more specialized courses in their major. However, the author does not provide a holistic scrutiny of the merits of the students itself. It may be possible that students from Classen simply do not have enough out of class, real-life experience. This may arise due to a lack of extra curriculur activities available at Classen, or the inability of the administration to place students in proper internships. Employers may be reluctant to hire graduates who have too much speicalized knowlegde but little to no job or management experience. If the author can prove, or at least show some statistics as to the practical management skills of the Classen Graduates

The Author also mentions that Classen has a lower post-college employment compared to many top-ranked schools. Classen's reputation in comparison to such schools is not mentioned. It may also be possible that top-ranked schools may have a higher post-college employment rate simply because of the reputation of the schools. Since no timeline for the data is given. It may possilbe the Classen had a higher employment rate before, and due to some economic downturn, Employers are inclined to hire less people, and thus predisposed to hire graduates from more prestigious schools.

Unless the author provides a more detailed description of Classen Student portfolios, it cannot be conclusively remarked that the school curriculum needs to be overhauled. And thus the author's recommendation cannot be considered.

hi,Shadman,there are a few of small mistakes .
burden-some → burdensome
encumberance →emcumbrance
its breadth of requirements

Thanks Jane! If possible can you point out any flaws with the content of the argument itself?

Hi shadman19922 ! Here is my observation.


In my opinion, it is better not to ask so many questions in a row. It gives a bit attacking/aggressive tone to your writing. Couldn't you replace those questions by one/two assertive sentences?



You imply that the students have (may have) too much specialized knowledge though the argument states the opposite! The argument claims that it is the breadth of knowledge, not the specialized knowledge, that causes the unemployment. I think it is not wise to assume the opposite of the claim without much convincing reasoning.


You haven't completed the sentence.


Merge them into a single sentence.

Thanks testtaker!!

... lacking in the fact????? do you mean that author's argument lacks factual evidence?


.... I wish if you refrained from writing incomplete sentences like this one. Your response should flow more logically to prove that you are a person with sound analytic skills.


... well, 15% of students' time - it is already mentioned