Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


It's not pointless to strive to keep traditional skills and life style alive.



alesssiiaa 1 / 1  
Aug 26, 2013   #1
PLEASE DO ALL THE RELEVANT COMMENTS AND OBSERVATIONS. THANK YOU!

Technological development has always been a key factor for the social evolution. Many times technological development happened so rapidly that we can talk about " technological revolution" like the one occurred in the mid-1700s. when a county develops new technologies, it's inevitable that not just the tools used but also men's skill and way of life change. In my opinion traditional skills and way of life do not die out but they become adjusted to the " new society". And it's not necessary something bad! for example the first industrial revolution in the mid-1700s radically changed men's life in a positive way because since then on some risky and dangerous jobs have been done by new machines and not by human beings.

Moreover the introduction of new technologies and new devices represents an important power for put economy. This point is evident if we think about the fact that 10 years ago we didn't know what a smart phone was. Indeed nowadays smart phones have completely changed our way of life so that we can be in touch with other people wherever we are and whenever we want.

But it's also true that we have to manage these technological changes carefully because they can also affect our lives negatively. . In this case it's important to strive to keep the traditional skills and way of life alive. To take another example regarding the revolution brought by smart phones, they can have a negative effect on children who seems to prefer playing at a device instead of playing with other children. This may cause a lack of personal relationship and, as a consequence, they can grow up shy, isolated and lonely. But the point is: How can we try to keep traditional skills and way of live alive? and how can we understand which of them are worth to keep alive? these points are not easy to understand because there's never just a single right answer but we must always consider a specific situation without any prejudice. So, if we think that in a certain situation it's worth to act in a traditional way, we should avoid being influenced by technology. But if we see that a technological change could make our life easier w, we should consider the idea of changing our way of life.

Finally to sum up, I can say that I disagree with the previous statement and that sometimes it's not pointless to strive to keep traditional skills and life style alive.

MisterWandering 18 / 314  
Aug 27, 2013   #2
Hi, Alessia. What is the full prompt of this essay?

Many times technological development happened so rapidly that we can talk about " technological revolution" like the one occurred in the mid-1700s.

,

And it's not necessary something bad! for example the first industrial revolution in the mid-1700s radically changed men's life in a positive way because since then on some risky and dangerous jobs have been done by new machines and not by human beings.

These sentences are not necessary. You don't have to add examples in the introduction. Keep it short and direct.
OP alesssiiaa 1 / 1  
Aug 27, 2013   #3
Thank you for your advice. I'll keep it in my mind :)
dumi 1 / 6793  
Sep 15, 2013   #4
Hi
I think you need to pay attention to the essay structure. Your essay should have an introduction, body paragraphs and finally a conclusion paragraph.
This is the format I suggest for your introduction;
Hook - Write a sentence that can grab reader's attention and also has a direct relevance to your prompt.
Background of the Issue - Discuss the issue by introducing the two sides of the argument.
State your opinion - Conclude your introduction with stating your opinion.
Also, please post your IELTS essays into Writing Feedback forum.


Home / Writing Feedback / It's not pointless to strive to keep traditional skills and life style alive.
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳